Asking OH to do things in bed they say they don't really enjoy

[Becx1994]

Hi
Just wondering what people's thoughts are
Hubby and I havehad a pretty fulfilling sex life over the years - albeit a bit vanilla perhaps
Recently I wanted to spice things up a bit but hubby says he isn't really interested as "It's not really his thing"
Should I give up or try and force him to experiment ?
Is it unfair to ask your partner to do something just for the other's enjoyment ?

well.

I think that really, really, if he doesn't want to do it, then I'm afraid you just don't do it.

Sexual consent is 2-way.

And there's nothing wrong with vanilla. It's amazing.

And no, we don't 'all know' that giving bjs doesn't taste great. To me it's amazing, i love it. I actually felt quite upset about you speaking for everyone there - excluding me!

I'm sorry but I think going and ordering equipment, putting it in then springing it on the guy is a bit much - I do understand why he didn't like that, and it was kind of polite of him to go ahead.

You are married to him, he doesn't want this, no you can't oblige him. It has to stay in your fantasies.

imo.

Thanks for all the posts - It has made me realise I went about it all the wrong way
I do enjoy giving him oral - we both enjoy it and would never dream of using that as a bargaining tool
Anyway we sat down last night and had a good chat about it
He admitted that it had come as a shock to him and although it had been a totally different sensation for him it hadn't been as unpleasant as he had thought it would be and he did get some enjoyment from it himself as well as seeing the effect on me
He is a very soft sensitive guy and our relationship is fantastic so I asked him straight up why he didn't want to do it again
His reply was both psychological and physical
He told me that when he is with his mates in the pub sometimes one of them will brag about "Kicking her back doors in " and other phrases that he finds disturbing - especially at the moment when the behaviour of Al Fayad and others is in the news - he didn't want to be thought of in such a mysoginistic way

I reassured him that there was no way he could be compared to his mates or Al Fayad - I accepted that it was probably the most intimate thing that I was asking him to do but that I trusted him

Then he said that he was afraid it could get messy or that he would cause me damage - something he couldn't bear to think about
I was able to reassure him that there were things I would do to prevent that and using lube would prevent any damage and he seemed happier when we went to bed. He has now said that he would like to try again as he feels he has overcome his inhibitions and fears and wants to do anything that makes me happy
I did tell him that if he still felt uncomfortable with it then we won't do it anymore - I may occasionally try a vibrating butt plug though - thanks for the tip - and he said that sounded like fun
He really is a soft considerate man at heart - but that's why I love him so much !

Good for you OP! Happy to hear it and I hope you both have lots of fun.

This article talks in a bit of detail about this, though maybe with a BDSM leaning. It’s worth a read I think

open.substack.com/pub/deeperkink/p/bridging-a-gap-in-desires?