I want to get a vibrator but unsure how to bring it up with DH

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Looking for advice please.

DH and I have very mismatched libidos. I would like sex every day, he is happy with once per week, sometimes less. I have recently been thinking I would really like to get a sex toy however given that the only time I would feasibly be able to use it is in bed at night whilst he is in bed beside me, I'm wondering if I should bring it up?

We communicate well on pretty much every issue except sex. He is well aware my sex drive is higher but has made it clear he isint interested in more sex. I feel quite frustrated so looking at other options.

Thanks

When I brought this up with my husband (similar circumstances) he found it a turn on and it actually improved our sex life. It was brought up calmly; but from a place of deep frustration. I didn’t make him feel bad, guilty, or disappointing. He was in fact very intrigued and excited by the idea, which took me by surprise.

You definitely don’t need his permission though. Are there no times when you are alone? I often use mine in the bathroom.

with unpacking a lot of other issue's.

I’d just buy a couple of really good waterproof ones and use it in the bath/shower as part of a self care regime. Wonderful skin and lots of orgasms!!

Obviously having a good open conversation about how you feel would be preferable but not always easy.

How about you both browse lovehoney or similar web site (that you have accidentally landed on) for a laugh and see what reaction you get?

Involve him and make it part of your lovemaking.

Every woman should have at least one.

Personally, l wouldn’t feel the need to involve a third party in selection etc. i think they're best used solo as you (and only you) know positioning and the amount of pressure etc.

You are not discussing anything major here, or telling him you are leaving him etc, so my advice would be not to beat around the bush (not that l have a bush) and tell him directly that you are going to buy one.

I don't think it's a big deal but I have always had vibrators and had them before we met. We don't use them together, they're for my personal use. I think you should just be honest and say you want to try one and go ahead and buy it.

Just say you thought it might be 'fun' to get one and have a look at love honey with him, you can use it together as well. You can then ask him if he will kiss you while you use it on yourself if he's not in the mood.

Thanks everyone,

I brought it up last night and he pretty much laughed and said of course he wouldn't have a problem with it, I'll order one this week. Who knows, maybe it will stir up something in him, if not then I'll at least have an outlet whilst waiting on him to be in the mood

Pleased to hear this was the outcome for you OP.

I hope it brings plenty of smiles, and perhaps helps to stimulate other areas of your sexual relations within your relationship.

Conversely, as a male in the same lodsided sex drive situation, I actually recently got myself a sex toy to use on my own. It is a Tracy's Dog blow job simulator, and I have had the same reservations about telling her. I've always thought male sex toys look a bit weird and this one isn't a looker...having used it. couple of times, its a bit disappointing.

My DP and I are prettu open with conversations, but for some reason I can't put my finger on, I haven't told her. She has toys, and I love it when she's told me she's used them.

Are you not going to buy him one as well as a surprize!!

Sounds like he might be amenable

If he's happy it's absolutely fine glad it went well for you I prefer my man's touch but then again we have the same sex drive

My female partner has several sex toys and a higher drive then me, and to be honest I find that they do take the pressure off me perform if I’m not really in the mood

It looks like you have it figured out now so hope all is good there. I would advise to be open about things like this as I believe men are generally more open and excited about their partner using sex toys than they may have been in the past.

We have similar drives for sex at a few times a week but I'm open about the fact that I also like my 'alone' time and want and need to masturbate on my own too. This is not a replacement for sex together at all but having pleasure in a different way.

I'm also open with him that I use vibrators and sex toys. I do think all women should have a vibrator as there are just things it can do that other things can't! He loves to watch me use one and I don't mind at all but most of time I'm using it when he is not around.

Maybe you already have one, but you could consider getting a small "bullet" vibrator because he can use that to participate in stimulating your clitoris. If you are not too sensitive, he could pull back your clitoral hood and use the bullet vibrator to trace around your clitoris. That usually is pretty effective, and it helps him to participate in the stimulation. The compact vibrator is also convenient to stimulate the clitoris during penetration sex.

Buy one that can fit a male sleeve attachment...twice the fun

www.lovehoney.co.uk/lubes-essentials/sex-toy-essentials/sex-toy-bondage-essentials/p/lovehoney-hummer-deluxe-male-masturbator-wand-attachment/a37719g69898.html