Can you ever be more secure if you indulge your fantasies?

[Maccar305]

It's oft repeated,

"fantasies are best left as fantasies."

Can individuals or couples, actually become more secure when they make fantasy reality?
What stops us from indulging something we may wish for?
Social norms? Religion? Lack of cohesion in our relationship.
What's to be gained?
🤔

Do you think disclosing all fantasies is best, or is something it's best to be able to do?

The most rewarding, healthy relationship I’ve ever been in was one where fantasies were shared…not necessarily acted on, for reasons of safety, practicality and the needs and desires of the other partner, but shared with someone who could be trusted to respond respectfully, often indulgently.

I didn’t realise how precious this was until I settled for someone else because they shared the desire for children. The result has been years of repression and undeserved shame that I’m only just learning to shake off. If I could go back and tell myself anything it would be to hold out for the satisfying relationship with someone who was also family orientated.

The opposite happened to me and I agree that it is a very precious thing. My exH saw me as a non-sexual mother figure (for him too) so any time I expressed sexuality, I would be laughed at, mocked, ridiculed. It destroyed me. I split with him and have experienced the opposite since. My current partner and I have very open and honest chats about everything. Past experiences, what we’ve done or want to do to each other, fantasies. It is always met with acceptance and respect, and is very, very sexy. We’re exploring each other’s minds and are much closer as a result.

I’m not sure what it will be like if/when we do indulge but it seems like that’s the plan so I’ll let you know.

I think it's a wonderful thing to share your fantasies with your lover. Not necessarily all at once but as your relationship grows and you get closer. Sharing my fantasies with my partner has definitely brought us closer together and comes with trust. We don't always act on them but try to entertain them somehow.

Fantasies are a great turn on for us but they are just fantasies. The one exception might be a nude beach, which we are planning soon (not in freezing UK obviously). Otherwise it’s great fun sharing wild ideas particularly when masturbating each other, even if in the real world I’m fairly sure he doesn’t want to watch me get spit roasted by two strangers or being up to all sorts with an access all areas outfit at a post sex party … lol

Incidentally, posting examples of fantasies on here does not mean I want DMs from men wanting to help me live them out (2 already ffs)

I don't agree with it as a sweeping statement, if you are in loving, supportive and stable relationship then one would hope they could be fully open with their partner about wants and desires.

I certainly have been and many of my fantasies have become a reality. Not every one has been a yes, but if I can't have a candid and two way discussion about both of our wants and desires then something is wrong.

After two decades it's kept our desire for each other going, we are trying new things and the open communication is there for other aspects of our relationship.

I guess I am fortunate that I found my life partner in my 20s and we back each other up in all aspects, I can see how if there are issues in a relationship then asking for something out of the ordinary can breed resentment or disgust.

If I was not certain about my partner I would be worried about confidentiality or if they would talk with their friends about it. For me life is too short and I want to be having an amazing sex life so I kind of bared my soul and in this case it worked.

@Dexysmidnightstroller, as you have had confirmed yet again, some of my brothers are utter knobs and on behalf of the decent chaps here, we apologise for their behaviour and look forward to meeting them in a dark corner of Mumsnet, where we'll have a quiet word.

I think fantasies are private. Share them, by all means, if it will bring you closer, but I won't do it without first thinking about what the effect will be on my partner. Also I like having my mind roam where it will without feeling that I'm answerable for where it goes.

There's a horrible thread on here right now about 'ick' things people have done during sex, and a misplaced sharing of a fantasy would be well within the scope of that thread.

To a degree does it not depend what the fantasy is and how likely it is that it could become reality, weighed against could it end up causing more harm than good. I’m sure most of us have fantasies about sex, as about many other things in life, is there any harm sharing them , I don’t honestly know

If there is one thing better than your favourite fantasy, it is that fantasy shared with someone close. Then it really is amazing. And even if you don't act it out (tbf some of mine would involve elaborate sets and quite a specific cast, would cost hundreds of thousands haha), sharing it makes it even more kind of real and of course then you can share it while you are ... . Yes. It's good.

We have shared fantasies, some are historical fiction Georgian heroes, tight breeches and luxury beds so have remained fiction.
One or two have widened our sex lives, he wanted to DTD outdoors. We did and finally I now enjoy it. Given warm weather and secluded places.
All together I would say a good experience.

My wife has grown more comfortable sharing her fantasies with me in bed, which often involve sex in a public place (a beach or a club) with people watching us. There is some basis in reality for this since we’ve been to a few nude beaches in the past (but no sex clubs yet LOL). I mostly enjoy how turned on she gets when telling me, and how it will sometimes progress to her fantasizing about being with another man.