Husbands ED

[Painauraison]

This has been going on, on and off since he was 26 but he'd make excuses about it, meanwhile blaming me we didn't have enough sex when our children were 2 and 2 months old!

Anyway it was sort of alright for a while then not, and one and off all these years. He's now 38 and it just doesn't work. I've tried to reassure him but even when we're trying, he's constantly wanking basically to try and get it hard, not exactly a turn on. Last time was just awful with that and him getting quite angry about it, I went off to the bathroom and cried. It's so frustrating.

I feel heartbroken to be honest that this could be it, I'm only 36. I need that connection and for a few reasons, sex toys don't do it for me. The thought of using them puts me off, they make me sore and itch. He finally went to the gp and had some tests, they said no cause which is baffling because there must be a cause. He goes to the gym 3 to 4 times a week and isn't overweight. Anyway they offered viagra but I'm not sure how we'll get on with that because he said that I'll need to decide if I want sex so he can take it and I feel like all the romance would be gone! Usually we would have laid together and see where things went rather than booking an appointment type of thing. He has a pressured job and I know he gets anxious about it but he continued to want to climb the career ladder when I don't necessarily want him to and adds to the pressure despite the fact he struggles with the stress. However, he says he isn't anxious and stressed..

Is anyone else in the same boat?
I just want sex done properly without all this 😩

Give the Viagra a try it is just an aid, you would not object to him wearing glasses to see better.

I could not read this and run. Why don’t you make the most of planning the sex for now. If you know you are having it you can get yourselves in the mood, you and kiss and cuddle without the fear of getting turned on without any sex at the end. You could go all out on this and hopefully once you start having sex again his confidence will build to a point where it’s more spontaneous. Good luck!

Planning sex has got to be better than the current situation surely? Give in a go and see how you find it.

Most of these problems are psychological and the more he thinks about it, the more it'll happen. It's good that he's had tests because sometimes ED can be an underlying symptom of other things.

This happens to me periodically. I can lose my erection actually during sex. Frustrating but, it usually comes back within a few minutes. We find that sexual spontaneity works for us. I seem to perform better if we don't plan it too much. As I say, much of it is psychological and you really have to train your brain not to think about it too much as that in its self, perpetuates the problem. I often think it can be work-related stress and tiredness too.

We've talked about it extensively which has released the aniexty for both of us. We've introduced a sextoy which she likes and I like using it with her too. I also think that it's important to be affectionate with one another, keep up the kissing and cuddling and all the things which make relationships worthwhile.

As others have said, Try the Viagra, or better still, Cialis, the latter will stay in his system for 36 hours so very little planning is needed.

Rather than openly saying ' I want sex tonight' dress up a little bit, that can be your sign of saying to him ' pop a pill' and even then he can spend the first half an hour getting you in the mood whilst the Viagra does its thing.

With all due respect a GP is unlikely going to be able to assess the true cause of ED. They will check blood pressure, his weight among other things but they wont do a doppler t4est which is what he needs and he will need to see a urologist for this.

You say he's constantly wanking to try and get hard, is this whilst he is with you, or when he's on his own. If he can't get hard on his own then it is likely to be Physical rather than psychological.

You say he has never been bothered about sex, even before this has happened. He may well have a low sex drive, or, he might not fancy you / like woman.... are you sure he is straight? Please don't take offence to his, but it is a scenario you might have to consider.

I'm a similar age to you OH, and I have been there and done that so feel free to ask any questions.

Get him to try focused shockwave and castor oil

As others say a lot will be in his head, if he thinks that his erection will fail , it will fail , it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

you might not like the meds, but they can help remove the pressure to perform ( which could be an issue ), and provide him some reassurance that everything is in working order, but don’t get discouraged if you need 2 or 3 attempts before he gets a decent lasting erection

Absolutely DON’T do shockwave therapy!!

My partner takes meds daily which is the unbranded version of Cialis. I can't remember the name it starts with a T! We had similar problems. He started with viagra and it worked fine but like you say it's all pre planned and it was expensive to waste tablets if you didn't end up wanting sex that particular day.
Have a look at Med Express. It's a lower dose tablet that you take every day and it works for my hubby. It's totally taken the pressure off and has really made a difference. He gets it on a monthly subscription and it's under £40 per month.

It’s Tadalafil.

you can get them in 5mg or 10mg taken daily or 20mg as and when they are needed.

The daily’s are great if he can get some kind of blood flow but won’t work for totally impotent men. The 20mg are obviously stronger and last for 36 hours.

Like all PDE5’s they can be a solution to the problem but they won’t fix the underlying problem, whether it be physical or psychological