Been married to DH for 16 years, sometimes we get on OK and sometimes we really don't. I suppose I've never really actually felt a huge physical attraction towards him, we kind of fell into marriage as we had kids and it seemed the right road to go down. I find excuses whenever I can to not have sex with him because I just really don't want to do it. He's not unattractive but I just find myself cringing when he touches me. We've now got 4 kids and I feel like I'm kind of stuck in a situation that I don't want to be in but that I can't see a way out of. I don't want to hurt him, I'm everything to him... He loves me completely, but I just don't feel the same.
Recently I've started having huge doubts about my sexuality because I've become more and more attracted to women than I used to be. I've always found women's bodies more of a turn on than men's (penises are ugly things!) but I always just shrugged it off and assumed that all women fancied women sometimes. In particular I can't stop thinking about a certain woman I know and what it would be like to be with her. When I'm alone, my fantasies involve women.
I just don't know what to do. How do I know? Could it just be my age (mid 40s) which could me making me think more about sexual situations that are just fantasies and would never actually happen? Or is it that I genuinely could be bi? It's all so confusing. I feel like I don't want to hurt my family and have everyone hate me, but I don't want to live my life miserable and wondering.