Partner Doesn’t Love My Ugly Body

[HappyOak]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months. I had two children in quick succession,both in their 20’s. Son was a ten pounder and I gained a huge amount of weight during the pregnancy which I managed to lose but I was left with a lot of stretch marks and loose skin, particularly on my stomach.
Divorced my husband last year and been dating for a while. Met a guy and thought it was going well til it came to sex! He took one look at my body and was clearly horrified! He found it difficult to get an erection for the first few weeks of our relationship and took the little blue pills!
He assures me he loves me, we get on great but I know he’s dated slim and attractive women in the past and I know my body just doesn’t do it for him! Whenever he sees younger women with athletic bodies he always has a cheeky lingering glance and it makes me feel like utter crap! He often finds it hard to get and maintain an erection and cumming is also an issue! My self esteem is on the floor and I feel like a fat ugly lump :,(Serve me some cold hard truth here ladies!! Do I walk away? I hoped that all the good stuff in our relationship would be enough but in his case it seems men really are just visual creatures and that is pretty depressing…

His issues with performance are in all likelihood nothing to do with you and it is only your insecurities that are linking the two. I find it hard to imagine that someone who is repulsed by someone's body would continue to have sex with them. If this was the case he would have ended the relationship on some other flimsy excuse. I imagine this is an ongoing problem for him, especially as he was straight on the Viagra. He's definitely used that before!

Yes he’s used viagra before but with women he wasn’t particularly attracted to, in his own words!! He also told me in great detail about a much younger woman he dated and left nothing to the imagination how beautiful she was and how he enjoyed the sex of his life whilst they were together, sans Viagra!!!

I'm sorry that you have met such a shallow member of mankind. Not all men are that shallow. Physical attraction is about so much more that the body. Stretch marks are a sign of you being a real woman. Please don't let this jerk knock your confidence.

Bless you .. thank you so much 😢

oh @GarrynotsoGorilla that is so kind and nice of you, and you will help @HappyOak and more of us too.

@HappyOak I am beyond miserable by what's happened to my body and my ex tormented me completely over it. I do seem to attract guys and they don't seem put off by what I find so awful, but it stops me having a nice time and feeling ok. Tbf I have only had sex with my ex (for 13 years) and then with 2 other guys, and both those other guys said it really doesn't matter and you are you with your amazing energy and they said totally completley didn't care or mind that my stomach is not perfect (understatement). But it makes me feel ashamed and helpless whatever i do.

I've shared that so you know you aren't alone. And also so you see there are guys who really really don't use it to upset you.

This guy you're seeing seems to have a massive problem of his own, with keeping an erection. So he tells you it's your fault and you aren't attractive enough. This is total BS. He is deeply upset by not getting hard/keeping it so he's looking for a reason. His story about being hard all the time with a 'hot/perfect' woman is also BS - he's saying it to prove that there was a time when he didn't have ED - it's his dream.

It's his issue. Why would he have started this with you if he didn't fancy you? You don't need to take your clothes off for someone to know how your body looks. It's obvious.

You are a woman, a mother. Your heart soul and energy sound so lovely. Please just let him go, let him sort his problems, tell him to find a 21-year-old who will have him, just forget him. You need a real man. x

You going to have no self esteem left by the time this guys finished with you. What on earth is he thinking telling you about all the different women he's slept with and whether or not he needed viagra and why? Does he not have any social skills? If he loved you do you really think he'd be comparing you to every other person he's slept with and telling you all about it?

Move on OP, why would you have a relationship with anyone that doesn't make you feel good about yourself? That is literally the most basic thing in a relationship, otherwise what is the point?

Bless you Valentinka… you sound utterly adorable…. Your kind words mean so much … I do deserve so much better … i have accepted short measures most of my life due to self esteem issues but now is the time to want more …

@HappyOak @valentinka31 is completely right and i am glad her more recent experiences are teaching her to not put herself down for not living up to unrealistic false standards that people are brainwashed to think are right.
Being turned on my a woman is about how she uses her mind to excite you, not how her body looks, the only thing that asal a guy i would find off putting is very poor personal hygiene, but bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that is a wonderful thing and should be embraced. There is nothing more delightful than exploring a new partners body and mind.

He obviously loves you, otherwise he wouldn't be with you.

Just remember this - Viagra and Cialis etc don't suddenly give a man an erection. For them to work the man has to be sexually excited and turned on. That should tell you all you need to know....

Oh OP, your post makes me so sad. Don’t you realise that attraction is so much more than aesthetics?

I highly doubt that his inability to get an erection is related at all to how you look. It’s much more likely to be his own insecurities and nerves in a new relationship,

You have a perfect storm. He’s nervous about a new relationship and can’t get it up. You’re insecure about your body and think he doesn’t fancy you. Put those together with poor communication and you have a disaster.

If you really like him, I’d suggest you have a very honest conversation about how you’re feeling. Including how his use of viagra and comments about previous partners have made you feel. Make it very clear that you don’t want to sleep with someone who judges women solely on their bodies. State that boundary in no uncertain terms,

Personally, if it were me, I’d throw this one back and find someone who took delight in my body, wobbly bits and all!

Yes, I will echo this completely!

Who does guy think he is? My wife has given me lovely children so yes she's got a few stretch marks she's also got a bit of a paunch it's her balcony overlooking the toyshop 😉 she's a Gorgeous woman don't let this man put you down

You are a king and your wife is a very lucky lady … beautiful sentiment …

And you take care personally I'd take his alleged conquests with a pinch of salt I'm not looking for Brownie points here but you deserve better much better 😉

My husband has been with me at a size 20/22 and a size 12/14 and he honestly barely notices a difference other than in my confidence. He fancies ME. Yes my body is for enjoying for him, but only as it is mine and part of me- and the attraction part of it all is not physical based. It’s our connection and our communication that is important.
I agree with a previous poster that you need to talk and perhaps see if he can be vulnerable in discussing his insecurities and if he hears how you feel he might apologise and reassure you. If not- ditch him and get some fabulous sex toys and learn to enjoy that wonderful womanly body of yours. Then build your confidence so that the next lucky man you meet appreciates what you’ve got as you will too!!

He sounds like a cunt tbh my dh wouldn't even look everywhere im a 16 bigger on top so 18 on top

Thank you so much … means a lot :)

Thank you so much to each and every one of you for taking the time to reply … means so much …need to have a serious talk with my partner and be completely honest and open regards how he’s made me feel and if I’m better just moving on …thanks again ..you’re all lovely xxx