Long story short, I’ve known this guy for years, we recently got back in touch with each other resulting in us sleeping together for the first time a couple months ago.
We’ve slept together around 4/5times now and I can’t complain about the sexual compatibility, we do have a chill time when together also.
Generally, I am a lover girl as well as a one man woman, but at times I do let my sexual urges get the best of me and I find myself in these confusing dynamics. I’ve been single almost 3 years now & I am usually good at communicating quite early to establish with the person what type of arrangement that we are getting ourselves into so there isn’t any confusion with emotions and stuff. But tend to go with the flow regardless.
I do find this guy to be quite manipulative at times, he does love bomb me & plays mind games. but as I’m emotionally aware I can see what he’s doing. I don’t react to his antics & he calls me nonchalant/cold a lot, but that’s literally because I can see what he’s doing. I don’t give too much away in regards to feelings etc as he doesn’t seem emotionally available like that.
I don’t doubt that he’s not seeing other people as I recently went on vacation and he tried to bait me by posting him and another potential woman, which I felt was totally to make me jealous or evoke a reaction out of me which he didn’t get. I feel like it threw him off and he started love bombing me but it completely gave me the ick. I cut him off after that and let him know that this superficial mind game arrangement we have going on just doesn’t really work for me.
On the contrary, I feel like I’ve kind of fucked myself (no pun intended) because now I don’t have anyone to satisfy my needs. Yes, I know this can come across as shallow and quiet contradicting as I am a deep person that thrives in deep connections. But I’m also human and I find sometimes especially whilst I’m ovulating I just turn into a dick craving monster. Even though I don’t act on it, everyone starts to look attractive and I get cabin fever and start thinking about the last person who I’ve had an encounter with.
I am currently going through this phase now. I just want to know is it toxic of me to contact him? I literally just need a fix, but I would fully communicate with him that this is the arrangement that we have set up, this time around things will be different because I’ve removed him from my social media so I won’t allow any of us to be triggered and leave my emotions out of the picture.
Even though I’m attractive, I’m a super introvert so I don’t really have a roster or opportunities to date. At this point, I don’t even know how to meet new people so for me this arrangement seems more fitting for the time being. I’m a single mum of one I work hard and I live in overall good life so I feel like I deserve some fun. But am I devaluing myself by contacting him for this?