Why is it not easy to get a 3rd person!

[FunkySoulMedina]

So my partner and I have wanted a threesome together for some time, but never really been able to find the right sites for starters, we are not interested in swinger parties as concerned we would bump in to friends parents (known on the circuit apparently).
Being on apps, some ask you to pay memberships, and turn out to be fake. We do not mind paying to join just want reputable sites that help us to possibly meet real people.
We are in our 40's, have got our ducks in order as to what we do and do not want, it is both of us not one more than the other and we both have previous experience with others many moons ago. Now that our kids are older, it is easier for us to rekindle our desires and would be able to travel for overnights.

Just finding it frustrating that everything seems to be fake profiles, fake sites etc. Admittedly I have changed my name on here today so as to not be outed from previous posts I have posted or commented on as they are VERY obvious.

Any advice would be welcomed and thank you for reading my moan.

I've met lots of lovely couples on Fab. It's like the Wild West on there, but there are some diamonds in the rough.

I think it depends very much what you are thinking of? Is it with a male or female. Is it a once off or potentially an ongoing possibility? If you want a female I suspect you will very much need to use a site and filter heavily adverts/responses but I suspect it will take time

If a male, prob a lot easier. Myself and then BF had a holiday experience few years ago, very much his fantasy which I went along with and there was someone we got friendly with and it developed on evening when we had drinks after being friendly etc....no surprise he didn't turn down the opportunity. Not made a habit of it since though. However, it was an opportunity that if replicated at home we would have needed to go out seeking it more

I can understand why lots of men would be up for this- less concern for their personal safety and probably an easier way to get casual sex

I can't understand why a woman would want to do this personally though. Maybe that's why you're struggling?

Fab is good but personally I love We are X or WAX. It’s an app, like tinder on steroids and there’s loads of community chats both local and further afield. I’ve met some great people on there so far.

Nearly all the woman on there seem to be bi so finding a third person would take no time at all.

it’s free but you need to pay to see likes,

@GentlemanJay thank you, we will give it a try. I think the issue is finding the diamonds.

@Namechangeonthisboard we are male /female couple looking for that unicorn single female. At the moment we are NSA so a one off, but until we connect and experience it is difficult to say at this stage, and would need to reconnect with each other to see how we feel.

We did have the opportunity once while we were away, but we had the children with us, so it was a definite no go, and think this is actually what triggered us again.

@Catseyes88 we are x or wax is that part of killing kittens or different?

Thank you so much will give them a whirl too.

Yes it’s KK.

great place to meet like minded people, and obviously events like hedonist etc

Bisexual women may be attracted to men and women, it very often doesn't mean that they like threesomes, swinging/ casual sex or any of the other stereotypes.

You really need to focus on what you can offer a potential 3rd person.... the way you are coming across in your post here is very much focused on what you both want and expecting someone to fit in with you.

Put yourself in the shoes of a potential unicorn here for a moment... you are looking for a nsa / one off (most single women will want a bit of chat and to establish that you are both who you say you are / sane etc)... are you expecting her to entertain you both and then leave??

You are inexperienced 1st time swingers (together) (this is much more likely to mean drama/ jealousy) and is far riskier for her than meeting a couple who are known & trusted on the scene. Is it possibly your 1st time with a woman (yay awkward lesbian sex while being watched/ fetishised). If you're not those things then make it really clear!!

Of all the swingers, unicorns have the most options available to them, you have to have something pretty special to offer to stand out from all the other offers they will get.

You may get lucky.... but you'll be much more likely to meet someone by going along to a few events to show you are genuine/ safe / sane.

This is exactly why l’m discreet about my bi side. If a man suddenly discovers a woman is bi, they often look upon you as a male entertainment centre, complete with floor show.

l get even more puzzled when you hear of a woman, inexperienced with other females, wanting to share a very intimate experience in the presence of someone else.

@TasteOfHerCherryChapstick appreciate it may sound like all the stereotypes tbf but was not intentional. In one of my follow up comments I have mentioned getting to know them and getting a connection, not just a wham bam thank you mam and leaving, as it could develop into more for all of us if we were happy with that.

I've got experience with females in threesomes and a relationship but that was a few years before I met my husband. I suppose selling ourselves is what we need to do, as we are a nice couple, don't do jealousy as experienced that with previous partners and we're more than happy with one another and trust each other. We've discussed our boundaries and what we'd be happy with first before we get onto the scene, just so there is no confusion all round really. Putting ourselves in her position we all need to be comfortable.
Appreciate you taking the time to respond it really does help us.

@StarlightLady thank you, I totally do not advertise my bi side to just anyone, been there before and learnt that lesson. But my husband is almost 20yrs in, so think he warrants knowing 😉

This is something we have wanted to do together for a long time but just never had the right opportunity, and now we're in a better position life wise with being able to leave our children overnight it's something that has resurfaced and we'd like to investigate further.

I'm still not sure why a woman would want this. If I was a woman wanting a threesome I would only consider that if I was part of the couple- not the added extra. Same as you!

@kindertoPTS I've been the 'unicorn' a few times. It's a seperate thing to enjoying being 1 on with someone though. Once was with a couple I was good friends with, I'd slept with the woman a few times and knew wanted to share the experience with her husband. I loved seeing their loving, physical relationship up close and being a part of their first and only 3some.

Please pm me

at one time we had genuine people but as always as time went by they dropped off for various reasons such as sadly dying or change of circumstances or moved away
though we are not youngsters we have high drives both bi so have tried so hard to find similar but have had no success not into clubs none local most long way away and tried so many sites but nope

@kindertoPTS I've also been a unicorn, i was single and wasn't ready for relationships, this worked well. I enjoyed it and it was totally nsa one time only.

It isn't allowing me to? Maybr you can dm me? Please.

Which sites did you use? Or did you meet organically. Who did you filter out? Those would be key to answering your original question?

Sadly it was years ago when I was in the clubs and things. My ex partner worked in a popular venue which allowed me access to lots of people and scenarios on holiday resorts. So it was organically and I continued in those circles for a few years until I moved. Hence not having the circles or contacts anymore.