I find sex disgusting

[mysterymapper]

Had to name change for this as very personal...
I have been married for nearly 20 years, two DC. I have never enjoyed sex, with anyone. I lost my virginity quite 'late' at 19. It was a boring experience. My second time was with a guy I was absolutely besotted with. Again, hated the actual sex part, didn't really enjoy it. Even when I met DH it was the same. I've always enjoyed the kissing and up to a point where kissing gets very passionate, but when it comes to clothes off and beyond I find myself becoming quite frigid and feel quite disgusted when doing it. I find the act quite violating at times no matter how gentle it is, like I'm being invaded. Does anyone else feel like this? I can't afford therapy and actually can't be bothered to find out why, I'm too busy for that. I realise it's an extra thing I have to do in marriage so I've accepted that. Just be interesting to know others thoughts

From my perspective it sounds like you could possibly be asexual? It's nothing at all to be ashamed of

It is possible you are assexual. But forcing yourself to engage in sex out of marital 'responsibility' is not the solution either. Surely your husband will feel the effects of your total lack of interest. It's not fair on him either. You say you aren't bothered to find out why- that attitude is not really helpful, especially if it affects your relationship. If you have decided you don't care, then I suppose nothing that anyone else will suggest will matter.

This does NOT need a lable like "asexual". Some people like sex, some people don't. You don't, and that's fine. No body gets a lable because they don't like going for a walk in the countryside. Branding yourself only helps others put you in a simplistic box they can understand and it's a box that will then constrain you.

If you've been having sex with your DH for 20yrs despite not liking it, consider the consequences of telling him now. There are plenty of posts on this board that advocate divorce for sexless marriages and whilst a sexless marriage might be exactly what you need, it might not survive and, for many of us, divorce is both liberating and devastating.

Good luck finding your path.

Do you enjoy your own touch? I’m wondering if the issue comes from feeling that sex is something which is being “done” to you. The Ferly app is good for guided masturbation.

Agree with most of the above: you don't owe anyone sex, and if labeling yourself as "asexual" doesn't help, ignore it. I do think you owe your husband some honesty and, if he chooses, a drama-free divorce.