Sex on 2nd date and he said this

[herewegoagogo]

I've been chatting to a new guy for a few weeks. We've got on great and had a 2nd date yesterday. We had a passionate kiss at the end of the evening which led to great sex.

However this morning he's text me to say he doesn't feel great about it and that it was too soon from meeting me.

Does that mean I've ruined it by having sex with him so soon?

I love sex and would prefer to have it earlier on in the dating process to make sure we are sexually compatible but now I'm gutted as I actually like this guy.

The only solution is to open channels of communication with this chap. Talk to him about your position on having sex at this stage of a potential relationship and listen to his views. Both of you will have valid points and how you deal with the areas where your views differ will tell you more about the viability of a relationship with this chap than your sexual compatibility.

I met a lady on OLD. We had sex on our second date. It was great sex. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this year.

If it is indeed ruined, you've not ruined it anymore than he has. Not sure why it's on you alone to gatekeep sex, was he an unwilling participant?

Sounds to me like he's got what he was after and is trying to let you down now

Yes very good points. He was a very willing participant and it wasn't just down to me. I guess time will tell if it's some sort of deal breaker for him (although that seems harsh).

If he 'got what he wanted' I guess I got what I wanted too! I just would have liked more of it!

Yeah…YOU didn’t ruin it. Is he saying he regrets it and wants to slow things down or is he giving you the brush off? Did you respond to him and have you heard anything back after that message from him? I’m leaning on the side of he got what he wanted and I’d be pissed. I’d much prefer a grown up conversation if that’s the case, if you just want sex no strings then say it. It’s really not ethical to mislead someone into a sexual interaction. Hmm.

It is him having the wrong attitude! Better to find out sooner rather than later. I've had sex on a second date (sometimes the first), do what you feels right.

My sister had sex with her now husband (married years) within hours of meeting at a mutual friends wedding.

As a bloke I'd say he got what he wanted and now he is on to someone new sorry.

I'd say us guys are considerably more concerned about the sex early in a relationship, just as you say to find out sexual comaptibility. His reaction is strange.

Personally for grown ups, I cannot understand the thought process of 'you can only have sex after so many dates'. Surely us adults can decide if we want to have sex, and if in the morning we decide that a one night stand is the only place for this encounter, there should be no shame for either party.

He willingly took part so he is being hypocritical if he's stating it's all down to you. Me and my boyfriend had sex the second time we met up after getting together. Granted we were friends for 7 years before but we are still together 7 and a half years later

He's trying to keep things casual. The content of his message is meaningless it's a front.

Has he said he doesn't want to meet again? If not, there's nothing stopping you from saying you're happy to take things slower if that's what he'd prefer... assuming you like him. Men offer to take things slowly; there's no reason why it can't be the other way around.

@ATenShun "I'd say us guys are considerably more concerned about the sex early in a relationship"
Speak for your self. I was dating someone a while back and she was in more of a hurry to have sex than I was. I felt a bit uncomfortable about how keen she was and I'm anything but judgemental about sex and like it a lot. I'd just rather know that there's more to the interaction than lust because I'm looking for something that going to last.

@herewegoagogo It's quite possible he feels guilty for rushing it. There's a lot of cultural shaming about being a man who likes sex at the moment. Or it's possible he got caught out by his wife. The only way you're going to know which it is is by talking to him, and text messages are a bad way to do it.

I got to the bottom of it...

Essentially he admitted that I'm not his usual type physically but he wanted to 'try' sex with me as we got on well. But it turns out that he was 'grossed out' by my curves and tattoos. Sigh...

At least I found out early I guess!

They were visible before hand.

At least you found out sooner rather than later, now move on to someone worthy of you.

@StarlightLady absolutely. He'd met me before. He'd seen full body (not naked) pictures of me. I'd shown him my tattoos.

The sex was good too so I think he wants a certain type on his arm!!

Yes, onwards and upwards

You go girl 🥰!

He actually said 'grossed out'?

He sounds quite lame. Good for you for just moving on!

Strange thing for a man to say imo