New boyfriend and him finishing a little premature

[Nocluegardener]

Hi All,

I was married for 10 years. So I’m new to dating. I now have a new boyfriend, we are both late 30s. I like him so much. He’s just genuinely a lovely guy. We get on so well, we message most days, our dates have been great, he’s a great kisser. Everything has seemed pretty perfect.

Now he had warned me he hasn’t had sex for a long while. The first time we had sex we had good foreplay and then had sex he came within probably 30 seconds of us having intercourse. He said he was sorry and I literally said over and over again it was fine. To be honest I like foreplay more than sex it really didn’t bother me, and I know this kind of thing happens generally.

The second time we tried to have sex, we started with foreplay, he pleasured me and then I went to give him head I started giving him head, he lifted my head up and said he was close to cumming, so we went back to kissing for a bit and then he wanted me to try again so I did but then he said he couldn’t take it and was going to cum and could I handjob him to finish so I did and then he came. He was obviously really embarrassed. I have of course been nothing but nice about it because genuinely I don’t want to put pressure on him at all.

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how you overcome it as a couple. Is there anything I can do to help him last longer or even just feel less embarrassed about it?

He shouldn't feel embarrassed. It's been a long time and he's with a completely new partner. It's all very full on for him and overwhelming. It will get better as you get more accustomed to each other though.

I would recommend he masturbates a few hours before you're going to have sex. This will help delay him from coming too soon.

This happened to me with a new partner once - just one of those things. I think over time it will get better. Maybe have a few drinks before the next time? That often helps, or you can get condoms that numb it a little?

At least he isn't having stage fright and can't get an erection which seems to blight many relationships these days.

The answer is familiarity, lots of sex but also if he struggles then as someone says he cums a few hours before which will help.

Just enjoy and focus a lot of foreplay

let him get used to you and not focused on the sex, just try a few seesions being naked around each other and just cuddling, no foreplay, no sex, (sorry!!)

I’d rather this than him banging away for ages, unable to finish. OP, you said the second time you tried, he gave you pleasure first. He sounds like a considerate man who just happens to find you a huge turn on. Maybe communicate to him how great it is that he makes you come first, and that it’s flattering that he’s as turned on by you as you are by him. Make sure he knows how much you love his foreplay. Hopefully if he feels confident you are satisfied then he might stop being embarrassed and apologetic. Everything else sounds great about the relationship. Congrats on finding a lovely guy, who you get on with, who is good at foreplay and who cares about your pleasure.

You are doing the right things and the other posters give good advice. I'd be considering making him orgasm during foreplay, having a rest, and going for PIV in round two.

Hi Op

i think the fact that your both talking about it is fantastic. In my experience it’s very common especially with younger guys. Ie twenties and thirties.

familarity will sort things out and my advice is to enjoy the journey. He seems a keeper!!

I’ve had my share of guys popping the cork too soon, one memorable occasion before we even reached the bedroom and as long as you can laugh about it then it’s all good!

I have had this with a new partner too, probably a combination of nerves and excitment, he sounds considerate if he is making sure you are pleased first.

First, just don't make a big deal about it. If he's attentive to you first, then who cares? Don't treat it like a problem that needs to be fixed.

It could indeed help if he masturbated before your date.
Or just go for seconds after he's caught his breath?

It's nothing for him to be embarrassed about and you should see it as a compliment.

The more he worries about it the worse it will get and it then becomes a viscous cycle.

Having suffered with PE and ED myself I can absolutely relate to him, and as easy as it is for me to write he shouldn't be embarrassed its very hard not to be. That said, its better than not being able to hard in the first instance.

Alcohol can help, and it removes inhibitions and will relax him. too much though and he may struggle with erections.

You can get condoms that de-sensitise things and creams. However, they can de-sensitise too much and he may struggle to get hard.

I used to pop a Viagra, Although I had no issues in getting hard, it gave me the confidence in knowing if I did pop too soon, I could just keep going. Over time this gave me more confidence, and lessened the anxiety, but they will have less of an effect as time goes on and i became almost reliant on them. So be careful.

Interestingly, a red bull helped me, both with stamina and erection quality.

But it's great that you are talking about it, and communicating, honestly, thats the best thing you can do and as good as any medication!

Good luck!

Loads of good advice already. If the issue persists you could, gently, recommend dapoxetine. I started using it about 10 years ago now, prescribed by my GP - who also recommended having a drink as it happens. I don't use it all the time but sometimes. Dapoxetine works by slightly dimming the sensitvity of the head of the penis – not so much that it deadens the pleasure; enough to prolong sex so that my partner can come first. There are no side effects that I've experienced - apart from a slight dryness in the mouth, easily solved. It even has its own wiki page nowen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dapoxetine

Thank you soooo much for all these replies! I am so grateful to you all for taking the time out to give me advice. You’re all right he’s a lovely guy and I do feel so lucky he’s taking the time to please me. We’ve been communicating well about it all and your advice about him making himself cum first a few hours before has also helped. Thank you everyone.

Glad we were able to help. The "strategy w**k" is a lifesaver for us fellas lol.