Premature ejaculation

[user2037272727274567]

Since having a vasectomy 6 months ago my partner is cuming very quickly, he never used to be like this and he said it just feels much more sensitive down there. Is this normal? And will it wear off? Now I am not worried about getting pregnant and off contraception my libido has greatly improved and I'm feeling constantly frustrated (despite him still giving me orgasms when we do do stuff) as I feel like he's avoiding sex a little due to this so it's more like once a fortnight - I have also been playing with him inbetween so for him it's more like once or twice a week but he also isn't returning the favour which is a whole other thread and when I bring it up he just makes excuses how he's not in the mood etc. it's got to the point where I am considering leaving him over it.

If you're considering leaving hom because he's ejaculating too quickly, perhaps you should consider why you're in the relationship.

It's not because of that more the fact he is not satisfying me sexually because he has become quite selfish focusing on his own pleasure and forgetting about me. It honestly makes me feel like he doesn't desire me anymore as he never starts anything. When I try to talk to him about it he just says he's not in the mood, which in my eyes says he's just not that into me anymore..

if you are thinking about him after having the snip , then he is the lucky one

What?

Was meant to say if the OP was thinking of leaving after her partner after he has had the snip , then he is the lucky one, as the OP has shown their true self

When I had the snip I think it was a little sensitive for a while once we were having sex again but now it’s back to normal.
It’s normally my wife turning me away for sex as I have a much higher sex drive than her 😂

@Mitchem256 how long did you find it took to be less sensitive? Did it put you off doing stuff in that time because of it? I am trying to work out if my partner has checked out or if this is just normal after having it done. As I said he doesn't want to do anything with me really and the only time we do do stuff is when I start it and even then he will not touch me at all it's all me driving it. I have tried to talk to him about it a couple of times but he just shrugs it off and I don't want to keep pestering him but it is really effecting me making me feel unwanted and pretty down about myself tbh like I'm not desired. I am very open about things so feel like he can talk to me and wondering if the reason he isn't is because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

@Fs365 what do you think I am showing myself as? I don't quite understand your post?

So your partner has had an operation, you have come of hormonal conception- you are now having unprotected sex with no fear of pregnancy, you are both having orgasms and you are thinking about leaving him

he had the Operation and you are getting the benefits and you are one thinking about leaving, I would say he should be the one leaving so he can find someone better

Have you read any of what the op said apart from the bit about the operation?

Do you think that is a man has a vasectomy then the partner should forever feel indebted to them, irrespective of what happens afterwards?

No,
BUT - the bloke has permanently changed his own fertility so he can father no more children with this woman or any other woman if this relationship ends & the OP has now come off hormonal contraception and her own sex drive has come back, so yeah the bloke should be looking elsewhere

Well the whole reason he had a vasectomy is because I fell pregnant (while on the depo!) and he wanted me to have an abortion as he didn't want a child and I said I would never go through that again and he offered to have a vasectomy as he is 100% no kids and had been talking about it before this happened anyway so it just pushed him to actually get it done. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life so yes if I can do that he can have a 15 minute op that would stop that and mean I don't have to put hormones into my body either as we are both very fertile people (we both already have children so a child wasn't right for us)

As I said it isn't even that it's the fact we are now having sex perhaps once or twice a month most (where yes I do orgasm but I am literally starting it, riding him and touching myself to get myself going) he has literally not touched me down there in months... I give him oral and touch him and start stuff weekly. Without it having to lead to sex. He used to always go down on me and touch me and want me and now it's literally nothing. He reassures me he does want me but he doesn't show it at all... sex is important to me to feel close and loved and wanted and he knows this. We are in our 30's and I'm not ready to be sexless for a long time! I love him but it is destroying my self confidence and I'm also worried he could be looking elsewhere because what guy doesn't want sex, and if he's not he just doesn't care about me or he would stop being so selfish!

I've always found guys unable to hold on long with me. My ex husband 3 seconds. My ex partner 5. Apparently I am 'too nice' inside.

The problem isn't that he's sensitive now and it happens quicker, in my opinion. That will improve over time as his body recovers (and really it would only be kind to give him that space to get better unpressurised).

The problem is him now being anxious about this and feeling bad, so he has started avoiding sex and probably avoids paying you attention as he's possibly turned on by it but that will again put him in a situation where he 'fails', or he doesn't feel like it because he's totally shut down on entering into any sexual situation.

The only way to make it better is be patient, very unselfish, and nice to him.

But if you're thinking of leaving him over it then tbf I don't think this is a serious relationship on your part. If you loved him, you wouldn't for a moment consider leaving him over this. You'd work with it.

He's not avoiding sexual situations though, if I start it he will happily go along and can last longer when it's not piv as I slow when he gets close and build up again but he will not touch me in anyway so it does feel selfish on as he's not willing to try and make it pleasurable for me...there have been many times where I have done stuff to him and it's not led to piv and was about him, he doesn't do this for me where as he always used to when we first got together. He can also go again after a first time which he has mentioned and not followed through with.

I am thinking more and more it probably isn't the relationship for me. I know in my gut something is wrong.

I understand how you feel—I’m going through similar with my DH, who says at his age that he can take it or leave it. So it’s always me initiating, doing all of the work (so to speak), and not getting much in return. I’ve taken a step back for the last few weeks because it all makes me feel like shit about myself. Is it better to be in a celibate marriage or to take what crumbs you can get, whilst still feeling unsatisfied?

We’re still best friends, so I don’t necessarily think that LTB is the way forward. I think I’m going to have a discussion with him this week. I’ve also been researching sex therapists, which I may or may not explore.

I'm glad that someone understands where I am coming from. I don't want to leave him but the way it is making me feel about myself and our relationship I know I cannot sustain. If he was loving and cuddles etc but it's literally nothing and I feel so unwanted. It's like living with a brother or friend!

Hi, I'm sorry as with more background, it sounds more like he has somehow detached/disengaged from you. I don't know if you said how long you'd been together, but I really would find it a red flag if now he just satisfies himself quickly and couldn't care less about you. Nope. I can see why you think it's time to end it. His lack of interest and generosity isn't tolerable, whatever his reason. And premature ejaculation would not prevent him from lying between your legs for ages and being nice to you.

You have a bit of gender reversal going on, what you described is generally the other way around with men mostly initiating sex, why are so worried, do you think he is not attracted to you anymore?

I completely understand your frustration, and I can relate as my partner also struggled with premature ejaculation. For us, it was really challenging, especially because it affected not only our intimate life but also his confidence. After researching and trying different solutions, we finally found something that worked – he started taking Dapoxetine, which is specifically designed to help with premature ejaculation. Since he began using it, things have improved drastically. He can now last much longer, and it's allowed us to reconnect on a deeper level, both emotionally and physically.

Dapoxetine has been a game-changer for us because it helped my partner regain his confidence and desire for intimacy. What’s great is that it didn’t just help him last longer, but it also took away a lot of the anxiety he felt around sex. Now, he no longer avoids it or feels pressured, and we can enjoy a more fulfilling and balanced sexual relationship. It’s really important to have that open conversation, and Dapoxetine might be worth exploring if he's open to it.

Just a word of advice, though – make sure to get only high-quality Dapoxetine from reliable sources. There’s a lot of low-quality stuff out there, and it’s crucial to use something that’s safe and effective.