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Does he has a dominant fetish, or he just a normal man who dominant in bed?

18 replies

stayathomewife · 13/09/2024 00:09

Sorry, English is my third language. And please understand there 350+ cultures out there, something might not be the norm to you but it is the norm to their culture. I am not asking you to agree with my husband sex style, what I am asking is does this sound like he has a 'dominant fetish' or he just a normal man who dominant in bed?

Don't get me wrong I was still a virgin when married to him so I am naturally submissive (also that what my culture taught me), and thank to him I know what multiple vaginal orgasms is, I wouldn't know such intense pleasure or vaginal orgasms to the point addicting without his him (his penis). I am willingly to submit to him out of every fiber of my being.

Together 14 years, married 12 years, and since day one he always very dominant in bed. He the type that does 100% of the work in bed and just want me to enjoy the pleasure he gives me.
He said it flat out, his exact quotes, "he the one with the penis so let him do the f-cking". It like that just how he ride his high, and remain erection from being dominant and literally does 100% of the work in bed.

He doesn't want blowjob, (could be a cultural thing for him too), but his reasons is the girl is is control, the girl in dominant position. But he NOT want that, he MUST be the one in dominant position, the one in control, the one take actions.
So No, he not want blowjob. He said if he want one, he will let me know. So far he never ask me for one. He however want my vagina.

Not ask you to agreed with him, but he as the rights to boundaries to his own body, if the gender were reverse there be an uproar, a man has the rights to his own body boundaries too.

He said it straight out, he not want my mouth, he wants my vagina. I mean how much more clear he can be. And he said let him go down on me. He has zero problem with go down on me.

Outside of bed he is a very traditional man, and in bed seem like he is too. He not want blowjob, he not want anal, he wants my vagina.
His sex styles is nothing like 50 Shades of Grey, heck, he not even spank me, not even yank my hair, let alone like porn, chains, sex dungeons, tied up by chains like Ana in 50 Shades of Grey, not even sex toys.

He Vanilla, the PinV traditional intercourse between a man and a woman, he very loving and caring in bed, he not even pull my hair, if my long hair get in the way, he just gently slide my hair to the side and suck on my neck and shoulders and mouth. He kisses alot during sex, like kiss and thrust at the same time. I don't feel that he fu-ck me, I feel that he 'make love' to me (and I'm not fan of that word, lol).

Here the thing, he likes sex out of his desire for me. He will stare and stare at me, and pin me down the bed, one hand pin my wrist down, one hand pin my shoulder down. BUT then he process on have Vanilla missionary position PinV sex with me, hell, he even asked me "Does it hurt?" if he thrust a bit harder than normal,
yah. he asked me "Does it hurts?" when all he does is traditional PinV intercourse, lolol.

Does this sound like he has a dominant kink? Or is he a BDSM man? Or just a normal man who likes to be dominant in bed?

Any input appreciated it, it just something I keep wonder about him.

OP posts:
NinaOakley · 13/09/2024 06:08

That doesn’t sound like a kink to me!

mnmnddddd · 13/09/2024 07:01

Definitely nothing there that sounds at all fetishistic. Just a very traditional view of sex and sexuality. And even if ther was a fetish, so what?
Are you happy with the sex? If you are, great. If not, talk to him. Depending on how motivated you are to observe to your respective cultural conventions, there is lots to enjoy that you're not experiencing at the moment, but if you're both satisfied and comfortable where you are, that's fine.

PinotPony · 13/09/2024 17:59

Many men are just built that way. They'll put a hand on the small of your back when crossing the road, they'll hold your hand and literally lead you through a crowd. They see their role as one of care, direction and guidance. And that translates into the bedroom.

It doesn't have to be violent or sadistic sex for it to be dominant sex. And what you're describing isn't a kink or fetish. It's just an assertive man who knows what he wants. As long as you are comfortable and getting your needs met too, then carry on!

stayathomewife · 16/09/2024 10:24

Thank you so much for the replied/inputs.

The reason why I think maybe he might have fetish/kink it because he just so selfless and so giving in bed, that he literally does 100% of the work in bed, and not ask for anything back other than my vagina. But he said he just a normal man who like you say like to be on top, and please the woman he loves.

I guess I just have to take his words for it.

Can I ask a question about vaginal orgasms, because I experience it and it the pleasure it just so intense, he the one that does 100% of the work in bed, I am just receiving the pleasure (but then I am the one that drain), when the sex session end, I just can't find myself to stay awake, I just drift into sleep like a baby.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind his Vanilla sex styles at all, as I get vaginal orgasms, the pleasure it intense though, when I get vaginal orgasms my pelvic and my vagina throbs and pulsates, it like my vagina not want to let his penis go, Is this normal?
The orgasms it comes in waves, like I barely finish one vaginal orgasms then the next one comes then the next, my pelvic and my vagina just throbs, it just so weird.

I mean is this normal? lol. And he definately can feel my vaginal orgasms too (it embarrassing), he even whispered that I orgasms.

OP posts:
valentinka31 · 17/09/2024 00:10

He sounds lovely. No I don't think he's dominant, I just think he's had a very strong cultural upbringing in terms of what a real 'man' is, and he is very comfortable taking the lead. I think it is NICE that he doesn't make you feel you should be doing anything other than vaginal sex, and I think his absolute focus on and desire for your female self and to give you pleasure also sounds perfect. And he is caring and very concerned about your experience, ensuring it is always good for you and never hurts. He sounds. quite frankly ideal. He is not deviant. He is traditional.

valentinka31 · 17/09/2024 00:13

Forgive me, but I am not sure if this posting is real now : )

Of course having a deep orgasm and falling asleep is normal. It is all normal. And what is the question about vaginal orgasm? Yes, they are great, and it's nice he is able to help you have that.

After any orgasm it is normal to go to sleep.

All you describe is an ideal sex life, he is clearly entirely happy with it, so yes, it's all good.

stayathomewife · 17/09/2024 02:34

Thank you Ms @valentinka31 but vaginal orgasms is very real, I experience it. Maybe I should start a thread on what do vaginal orgasms feel like for other women, because what I wrote up there is what I experience what vaginal orgasms is feel like for me.
And I was still a virgin when married my husband.

OP posts:
BeenThere101 · 17/09/2024 07:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

valentinka31 · 17/09/2024 08:46

When I orgasm at the same time as my partner that tends to be vaginal. Or sometimes both vaginal and clitoral at the same time. Just nice really.

stayathomewife · 17/09/2024 09:06

And Mrs. valentinka31, as for the dominant.

To me my husband is dominant because he does 100% of the work in bed, and I'm the pillow princess (my friend said I'm a pillow princess) ,and he always in dominant sexual positions.

Unlike my best friend's husband (and yes we women best friends do talk about our marriage and sex), my best friend said her husband just lay there and expect her to ride him to infinity, and just lay there expect her to blowjob him to infinity too. Yes there are lazy in bed men like that out there.

I guess me and you have different definition on dominant then.

OP posts:
Cardinalita90 · 18/09/2024 01:14

I might be wrong, but it seems from your posts like although you enjoy the sex, it's all on his terms and you'd like to mix it up a bit?

if you enjoy his "dominant" style then great. But if you want to get on top and not be a "pillow princess" once in a while, you should be able to - you might both find you enjoy it. What I'm saying is just make sure you don't feel like you don't get any say in how you have sex if that's what you want - sex is between two people not just one.

valentinka31 · 18/09/2024 20:25

stayathomewife · 17/09/2024 09:06

And Mrs. valentinka31, as for the dominant.

To me my husband is dominant because he does 100% of the work in bed, and I'm the pillow princess (my friend said I'm a pillow princess) ,and he always in dominant sexual positions.

Unlike my best friend's husband (and yes we women best friends do talk about our marriage and sex), my best friend said her husband just lay there and expect her to ride him to infinity, and just lay there expect her to blowjob him to infinity too. Yes there are lazy in bed men like that out there.

I guess me and you have different definition on dominant then.

Edited

that was probably my idea of a dominant man too, until I met a really dominant man.

...

So I think your DH sounds like a traditional man. He takes the lead.

Being a pillow princess sounds great. I want to be one.

stayathomewife · 18/09/2024 20:54

valentinka31 · 18/09/2024 20:25

that was probably my idea of a dominant man too, until I met a really dominant man.

...

So I think your DH sounds like a traditional man. He takes the lead.

Being a pillow princess sounds great. I want to be one.

Sorry for me not know much about sex since I only have one man all my life is my husband.

May I ask, so I can learn more from you, what is your 'until you meet a really dominant man', what is YOUR definition of "dominant" then?

I can't speak for others, but I can speak for my marriage sex life, our sex life is nothing like porn or 50 Shades of grey or anything BDSM stuff.
Not every marriage sex out there is like Porn stuff, not every marriage sex out there is anal, blowjob, pulling hair, spanking to your butt turn red, or leave marks on your body, or chain tied you up.

I am good with being Vanilla as long as I get my multiple vaginal orgasms, as a woman I cannot thank you my husband enough because of him I know the intense pleasure of vaginal orgasms.

Not every men is turn on my Porn stuff neither. There are men out there who in "culture" that think those Porn stuff is dirty.

I am not here to debate about porn as I believe in consensual between 2 adults, and there is nothing dirty about consensual adult sex. But there are religion and culture out there who just find porn stuff dirty.

Sorry just writing out the thoughts in my brain as is.

OP posts:
valentinka31 · 18/09/2024 21:46

stayathomewife · 18/09/2024 20:54

Sorry for me not know much about sex since I only have one man all my life is my husband.

May I ask, so I can learn more from you, what is your 'until you meet a really dominant man', what is YOUR definition of "dominant" then?

I can't speak for others, but I can speak for my marriage sex life, our sex life is nothing like porn or 50 Shades of grey or anything BDSM stuff.
Not every marriage sex out there is like Porn stuff, not every marriage sex out there is anal, blowjob, pulling hair, spanking to your butt turn red, or leave marks on your body, or chain tied you up.

I am good with being Vanilla as long as I get my multiple vaginal orgasms, as a woman I cannot thank you my husband enough because of him I know the intense pleasure of vaginal orgasms.

Not every men is turn on my Porn stuff neither. There are men out there who in "culture" that think those Porn stuff is dirty.

I am not here to debate about porn as I believe in consensual between 2 adults, and there is nothing dirty about consensual adult sex. But there are religion and culture out there who just find porn stuff dirty.

Sorry just writing out the thoughts in my brain as is.

Don't be sorry, that's what this place is for, to talk about things we maybe don't get chance to discuss in real life. I hope it helps.

I am also being good with being Vanilla.

A really dominant guy will initiate a conversation and develop a psychological narrative of him being in charge and you wanting to please him. Anyhow, you don't need to worry about that - your DH sounds perfect and you have a very happy life with him, so all is good.

NinaOakley · 18/09/2024 21:55

valentinka31 · 18/09/2024 21:46

Don't be sorry, that's what this place is for, to talk about things we maybe don't get chance to discuss in real life. I hope it helps.

I am also being good with being Vanilla.

A really dominant guy will initiate a conversation and develop a psychological narrative of him being in charge and you wanting to please him. Anyhow, you don't need to worry about that - your DH sounds perfect and you have a very happy life with him, so all is good.

I think there are important distinctions between abusive men and dominant ones, though. BDSM is about creating a narrative that pleases both partners based on consent. Somebody once had a great time helping me discover myself as much as having his desires fulfilled.

valentinka31 · 19/09/2024 12:19

NinaOakley · 18/09/2024 21:55

I think there are important distinctions between abusive men and dominant ones, though. BDSM is about creating a narrative that pleases both partners based on consent. Somebody once had a great time helping me discover myself as much as having his desires fulfilled.

Yes, of course. The dominant guy I met was the least abusive guy I've ever met.

It was a kind of male-female dynamic that we both liked. He introduced me to it and finally I felt I had found a groove that was really easy for me to slip into and I liked it. It removed a certain responsibility and pressure for me to 'create' myself, and was, in that way, very free-ing.

Somehow he got me, and I him. This is always good.

PinotPony · 19/09/2024 15:08

It's also worth mentioning that 50 Shades of Grey is NOT a good example of BDSM, it's abuse.

valentinka31 · 19/09/2024 16:42

PinotPony · 19/09/2024 15:08

It's also worth mentioning that 50 Shades of Grey is NOT a good example of BDSM, it's abuse.

I'm really glad you've brought that up. In my experience-informed opinion, 50 Shades is, at best, total nonsense, and has zero authenticity. I think it was supposed to be titillating and make a lot of money, but it has no value as an honest exploration of consensual power-dynamic sexual relationships, to me.

I ....... cannot even bring myself to watch it. I watched a bit and was just so sad that so much money had gone into just making more money, rather than actually saying something.

The Secretary, with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal, on the other hand, is genuinely enlightening and honest, I think.

Apparently The Secretary was the inspiration for 50 Shades, but I can't see that myself.

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