Nervous about 1st time with new man

[Whatalife88]

Hey everyone,

I Know this is probably a common theme on here but could do with some advice and support lol.

I've been seeing a man for some time, long distance, we have met before but never slept together. He's coming here again soon and this time we are staying together for the weekend, we've flirted, sexted etc a lot and I've even sent naked photos, as has he but everytime I've sent one, I've left out my stomach. Truth is, I've had 3 children, I also have pcos so have weight gain and I'm only 5ft so the weight really shows. I think the clothes I wear are flattering but once he sees underneath, he's going to see how overweight I am and how much of an apron belly I have. He says he loves me so it shouldn't be an issue to him, I know and he's not perfect himself but I am having anxiety over it. I was thinking to wear something that is sexy but covers me the first time but what if he tries to take it off?! Is it possible for him to still even fancy me 2-3 stone overweight with apron belly? How can I feel sexy? What can I do to make it the moment I want it to be? I have only ever been with one man before. My ex husband who I was with for 15 years and I used to insist on dim lighting even with him lol. Help me! Ty* *

Confidence is the sexiest attribute in a woman if you ask me. Own what you have and knock his socks off, take control and he’ll be putty in your hands

^ 100% this & hopefully not all of him will be putty 😂

I’m a similar height and very overweight and self conscious, too. I know it’s hard but let him enjoy you! Men who go for women like us love our curves!

@Whatalife88 you wrote "he says he loves me" so stop.worrying. Love is blind to things like a bit of extra weight

Clothes don't hide 3 stone of fat. If you're 3 stone overweight and you've met before, then he knows the fat is there.

Agree with @Lurch1977 - confidence is sexy. Besides, surely it's better to get it out of the way and reveal all now rather than further down the line. You're just prolonging the anxiety otherwise and not being yourself. Just enjoy it and if he has a problem with it, then he clearly wasn't the right person for you after all.

Definetly confidence, but also don’t fixate on just the sex. Enjoy spending time with him flirting, dates etc and the rest should follow through.

Practically every woman that has had kids has some stomach issue going on, unshiftable weight, apron belly, jelly belly, stretch marks etc. If he is dating a woman with 3 kids it WILL be expected. So stop worrying.

There is clearly an attraction already. What he hasn’t seen yet that really matters is how confident and sassy you are. That will blow his mind.

enjoy every minute of it. Take control and show him what can be!

As a proud owner of a mommy-pouch myself, I can honestly say that no man who has gotten to see me naked has ever commented negatively or told me he found me unattractive.

As others have said, confidence is the most attractive thing a woman can wear.

I was thinking to wear something that is sexy but covers me the first time but what if he tries to take it off?

Noooo don't do this! You're just delaying the inevitable and will make it worse! Honestly, you're worrying about nothing. He already fancies you and wants to have sex with you, he'll just be delighted to be getting the real thing!!!

Is it possible for him to still even fancy me 2-3 stone overweight with apron belly?

Well you've already met so he obviously does fancy you! He knows you're not a stick thin supermodel so he clearly prefers a curvier woman (a lot of men do!) and in which case he DEFINITELY doesn't want you to hide away!!!

Go girlie! Have fun let your inhibitions fly!
Think of something that’ll drive him wild with desire and maybe put him on the back foot x

HAVE FUN!

I totally understand how you feel. I have taken a bit of comfort myself from some of the things said here, and I have another bit of good intel to add. In summary, is what I think you should think about:

• If he's already met you, he knows exactly pretty much what to expect of your body. It can't be hidden really. And he WANTS you, having met you. So he doesn't mind about it. It hasn't put him off. You are still you and he finds you very attractive. This is a proven, solid fact.

• It really is true that there's almost no woman who's had three kids who has no sign of it. All sorts is going on with these mummy tummies. I know how the whole totally catastrophic apron scenario feels bad, but listen to my final point ...

• I conducted my own little survey on this. I won't go into detail, but suffice to say, I checked the opinion of a number of hot guys under controlled conditions. They all said the same few things:

'It doesn't mattter'
'it doesn't matter at all'
'I don't care'
'I really don't care'
'do you actually know who you are?'
'have you seen how beautiful you are?'
'are you really going to not enjoy this (motioning to self) because you are worrying about something that doesn't matter?'

'you are amazing'
'you are just so beautiful'
'I just love (being with) you'

so that's my contribution. Live research on the field.

He likes and wants you.
He knows who you are.
He knows about your body.

So just let him love you. It is actually possible that it doesn't matter, he doesn't care about it, and he wants you for exactly who you are and how you are. I know that's hard to accept when you have spent so long feeling awful about what's happened to you, but try to let that possibility into your thinking. Maybe it only matters to you. He's all right with it.

ps and yes maybe they are just being kind and understanding to us, but that is ok too! The reward for him is high - he gets to be close to you! Remember that you are special and magnetic for him.

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all of your comments and it has made me feel loads better.

@valentinka31 reading your comments especially this morning has made me feel even better and made me smile and emotional. You're right and no one is perfect, he isn't either and he hasn't had 3 kids so I need to relax and go with the flow. Thank you.

A fabulous post and spot on. Men dont care. Confidence and presence is far far more important to them than mum tums.

I'm so glad if it's helped you a bit. Remember: you see through your eyes, but he has his own and sees things in his own way. And in his eyes, you are lovely and totally desirable.

Thank you : ) I'm very glad ... and I'm also pleased I was able to make that comment, as it's only because of my re-education by one particular guy. Which clearly worked! : )