DH and I are both early 30s, together 11 years, have an almost 2 year old.
I have always had the much higher sex drive which has been the source of a lot of insecurity and feelings of rejection for me but since having DS my sex drive has disappeared.
Honestly I've had no desire to fix it as I have felt much happier and more content not just with DH but generally. It used to constantly be on my mind - wanting sex, wanting to be desired, wanting to be so good in bed etc. Since DS that part of me disappeared and sex almost seems a bit silly now.
Recently I've felt more distant from DH and decided even though we both might seem happy with lack of sex, it's obviously not good for the relationship. So we had sex tonight. I felt sort of in the mood for it which is so rare. We have only had sex a handful of times in almost 2 years.
It wasn't great.
First of all, when he uses his fingers it hurts. It never used to - it was one of the things I loved the most but now it's painful. I had a c-section with DS but I assume the pregnancy itself can cause changes for me down there? Because things have never felt the same again - not even alone.
Secondly, DH' penis has changed. I didn't see it for months and one time I did again it was very obviously different - it had a bend it never had before and it almost looks smaller. He was immediately a bit embarrassed and brought up the time before where we had "landed wrong" during sex and hurt it. I do remember that happening. I think I was on top and didn't aim well but I don't remember it being that bad - I don't remember blood or anything.
He said it had changed and become more bent since that and he read about it and it's something that can happen following an injury.
My gut instinct was somewhat suspicious but I don't even know what I would be suspicious of. That he cheated and broke his dick? It's just so bizarre.
I have been a bit insecure lately anyway about fidelity but can't say I have a reason to be. He is a SAHP and I WFH so I don't know how he would even have time to cheat and he's very open with his phone and leaves it lying around even when he's not in the room. I keep convincing myself I am being totally paranoid and is one of the reasons I wanted to try sex tonight - I hoped it would make me feel closer and less insecure.
Back to the sex - we are living with others right now and were both so focused on trying to keep quiet that it was hard to relax. I'd forgotten how squeaky the bed was. There's not that many times we are alone in the house and while something like a hotel would be better, I so rarely feel in the mood that it feels like a lot of pressure would be on that one night. Then there's childcare etc.
The sex itself just felt... weird. It was almost like I was too wet or maybe he wasn't hard enough but it's like I wasn't feeling him inside me properly and it felt like the fit wasn't right. His penis was always significantly bigger than average but now with all the changes to both our bodies it feels like my vagina is too big around him.
He's often had issues with premature ejaculation but tonight found it difficult to get there at all. He did finish eventually. Even though I'd been horny before starting for one of the first times ever it didn't actually feel pleasurable like it used to. Instead it felt either painful or a bit numb.
Will sex ever be the same again? Is a penis injury causing noticeable visual differences normal?