Will sex ever be the same for me again?

[BananaTape810]

NC but have been here a while, I also posted in relationships but feel I may get some good advice here on to how to feel more confident.

When I was 16 I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time, all was great and we had a lot of fun with it however he cheated on me and eventually left me for the same girl. This girl was always a problem during our relationship which is why I think it’s made things worse. 2 days after we split, he sent me multiple pictures and messages of him and the girl in bed together, telling me ‘she is better at sex than you’ and ‘why would anyone ever want to sleep with you.’ There were more comments, but these are a few. Bearing in mind I was 16, just starting out my sex life. He was the first person I ever slept with so it was all I knew at the time.
These comments ruined me and for the last 8 years I’ve never been the same when it comes to sex. I’m not experimental anymore, I quite literally freeze. I don’t ever change positions from missionary and I’m not sure why. I feel like I see it as some kind of embarrassment, I feel like I’m going to be judged if I ‘get on top.’ I never initiate with my current boyfriend, and I think it’s starting to affect us as a couple, we’ve been together for 4 years. These comments have just ruined sex for me. I think it’s also ruined my trust and the way I view relationships. It’s like a deep deep trauma that I just can’t get over.
I’ve never spoken to anyone about this in real life because the thought of how my young 16-year-old self felt makes me physically sick. I will never speak about this out loud, it’s like I’m ashamed of it. I’m surprised I’m even writing it here to be honest, but I just need some advice of how I can possibly get over this. How can I overcome these comments and spice up my sex life with my current boyfriend? He’s mentioned that he needs more from sex, but I feel like this whole thing is just like a big block stopping me from going any further. No, my boyfriend doesn’t know any of this, but I plan to tell him tonight.
Does anyone have any advice? I feel so stupid that a few comments from a 16 year old boy, who was clearly just trying to be spiteful, still affect me and I also feel so broken that 8 years later this still has a hold on me and is still affecting my relationships.

Have you told your current bf about this? It sounds like PTSD and it's something that can be over come. Save some money and book yourself in with a good sex therapist. Invest in yourself. Your ex was a dumb stupid child. We all have said stupid hurtful things at this stage in our lives. Forgive him for it and move on.

You had a lucky escape from that boyfriend. Generally nobody really knows what they are doing with sex at 16, I’m still learning new things at 46yrs.
You need to start being open about this. I’m pretty sure most people would be absolutely horrified on your behalf, I am. I think some counselling would be a huge help too to explore this and validate your feelings.

Those comments were cruel and vile and definitely not something a 16 year old should have experienced. However, don't let that define you and your sexual experiences. Did you had sex with anyone else after that? How did your partner respond? Firstly, be open to your boyfriend about all this and the emotional and physical impact it has had on you. Secondly, seek counselling to help you manage your feelings and positively navigate your future. These thoughts are so deeply ingrained in you that they cannot be suddenly overcome and neither can you become a sex goddess overnight. Be realistic and positive that change is possible.