He ruins it for me

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/08/2024 00:14

15 years ! wow !!!

I would have finished it after 15 weeks of selfish / bed sex.

DixonD · 19/08/2024 00:26

What do you mean by “I cum but don’t orgasm”?

He does sound quite selfish in bed. My husband always makes sure I’m done before he takes his turn. You must be so frustrated.

Original poster

Smiler2023 · 19/08/2024 14:07

DixonD · 19/08/2024 00:26

What do you mean by “I cum but don’t orgasm”?

He does sound quite selfish in bed. My husband always makes sure I’m done before he takes his turn. You must be so frustrated.

I cum but I don't the have whole body tingling jelly legs mind blowing feeling. He knows how to make that happen but choose to do it in a way where my below becomes to sensitive that it uncomfortable to carry on (that's the only way I can describe it)

OP posts:

DixonD · 19/08/2024 14:27

Oh ok, I’ve always understood “to cum (or come!)” and “orgasm” are the same thing.

DixonD · 19/08/2024 14:28

He obviously can change what he does as he seems to whenever you talk about it but soon goes back to his old ways.

Cakencookieobsessed · 19/08/2024 14:34

DixonD · 19/08/2024 14:27

Oh ok, I’ve always understood “to cum (or come!)” and “orgasm” are the same thing.

Yeah, they mean the same thing. You either come or you dont.

FruitPastill · 21/08/2024 07:16

When I first read "I come but don't orgasm" I thought- same thing surely? But when I think about it I know exactly what you mean OP, right down to being too sensitive to carry on!

This is one of those things that I think you have to communicate about in the moment. If you've had the conversation before then he'll know what you're getting at. Is it a specific technique? Maybe become more involved, guide his hand/move your body. I understand you're frustrated about it but try to use encouragement rather than criticism- I love it when... rather than no not like that! It can be quite erotic to "show" what you mean at the time.

I'm not keen on game playing and tit-for-tat in relationships full stop but there's no way I'd put up with ongoing selfish sex, so if I wasn't being satisfied after trying the above sex would be off the cards and then the relationship would be in the bin

notatinydancer · 12/09/2024 16:14

DixonD · 19/08/2024 14:27

Oh ok, I’ve always understood “to cum (or come!)” and “orgasm” are the same thing.

They are for women.

BodyKeepingScore · 13/09/2024 10:55

@Smiler2023 "cumming" and having an orgasm are the same thing for a woman. They aren't two separate events

Beth216 · 13/09/2024 11:00

What you mean is he's giving you less good orgasms because he's doing it in a certain rushed way. Cumming and orgasming are the same things. If it's been like this for 15 years OP even though you've discussed it then it's unlikely to change isn't it? So what do you want to do?

Truthbetolddd · 14/09/2024 05:49

Why not skip the foreplay and try get him to make you orgasm from some deep penetration or whatever it is that you think might make you reach it ?

BeenThere101 · 14/09/2024 09:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mitchem256 · 14/09/2024 13:05

Smiler2023 · 19/08/2024 00:10

Ive never orgasmed from penetration only from foreplay and when we start to get turned on he always seems to rush the foreplay so I cum but 9/10 I cum but don't orgasm as it takes a bit longer for me to reach orgasm. But he does the foreplay in a way my down below becomes to sensitive to carry on to the orgasm so then I'm left with nothing really and then he expects to fuck me so he can have his. Which I don't mind when I've had mine but it's hardly ever he knows exactly the right way to get me there but he does it the way he does so he gets his turn quicker it's pissing me off. I'm a survivor of abuse and when he does this just stirs up old emotions of being used and not caring about what I need.

For reference we have been together 15 years have spoken about this before and he changes for the next few times then goes back to this. He then wonders why I'm not willing to get in the mood often it's winding me up now.

Have you ever done this on your own and could you maybe show him how you like it to get to that point?
for me personally I get a bigger buzz from seeing my wife orgasm and if I’m not doing something right I want her to tell me.
I know now that my wife likes it gently rubbed etc so maybe show him and see how he reacts

paperose · 12/04/2025 23:29

I am about to end a relationship, I feel very warm towards him, we get on well, problem is he is a bad/selfish lover. I have never orgasmed with him penetrating me, or touching me... he is obviously not terribly experienced and the other afternoon confided in me saying that hardly any women orgasm during sex. I asked where he got that statistic he said experience... his first wife never orgasmed neither did his ex wife... I haven't either... (apart from once when I stimulated my clit with a vibe during ex. His chosen positions remind me of a man in roman times who positioned a woman and then fxxkxd her. no clitoral contact.

NCForThatForumM · 13/04/2025 07:55

Smiler2023 · 19/08/2024 00:10

Ive never orgasmed from penetration only from foreplay and when we start to get turned on he always seems to rush the foreplay so I cum but 9/10 I cum but don't orgasm as it takes a bit longer for me to reach orgasm. But he does the foreplay in a way my down below becomes to sensitive to carry on to the orgasm so then I'm left with nothing really and then he expects to fuck me so he can have his. Which I don't mind when I've had mine but it's hardly ever he knows exactly the right way to get me there but he does it the way he does so he gets his turn quicker it's pissing me off. I'm a survivor of abuse and when he does this just stirs up old emotions of being used and not caring about what I need.

For reference we have been together 15 years have spoken about this before and he changes for the next few times then goes back to this. He then wonders why I'm not willing to get in the mood often it's winding me up now.

Tell him at the time what you need/want him do do or stop doing. The moment he seems to be getting it wrong tell him "I need you to do X".

He's love it, you'll get exactly what you want. Bliss.

NCForThatForumM · 13/04/2025 09:32

He'll