How do I relax so I can orgasm

[candg]

I am THIRTY TWO years old and I've never had an orgasm in my life.

I have a husband and I fake it. He goes down on me and it feels INCREDIBLE but it's like it feels TOO nice and I have to stop.

I try to do it on my own with and without toys. No toys it's useless. Toys feel UNBELIEVABLE but again, it feels TOO sensitive and I can't go on.

How do I relax enough to not stop it from happening!!!!!

Relax and let it go, dont make him stop xx

My preferred method is to have a nice man tie me up and refuse to stop until it happens! I recognise the self sabotage well! I find being talked to really reassuring and it helps me relax, too.

I was twenty when someone helped me figure that out but once it happened I didn’t always need all the drama.

For starters, stop faking it. You are doing yourself no favours. Spend time alone and with your hands and get properly aquatinted with your own body. Choose some personal “me time”space when time is on your side. Go to bed and ensure you are comfortable.

When you say things feel too nice do you mean overly sensitive? If so, stop when it gets too much and start again asap. What toys have you tried? Maybe try a bullet vibey which you can pick up in Boots for around £10. Try on the lowest setting first. If that is still too sensitive, use it initially with your knickers on. I honestly believe you can get there. ❤️

If it was this easy, I would have done this

I don't really like the sound of telling him to refuse to stop. I don't think my husband would be comfortable with this either

Yes, too sensitive I guess. I feel like I'm maybe "close" then I HAVE to stop as I can't handle it anymore. I have a couple of things from LH. A waterproof bullet which I've tried in the bath and another I've tried in bed.

Husband is AMAZING at going down so he's definitely not the issue, I just CANT

Stop overthinking it.
Forget about the clit and concentrate on the spongie area just below the clit with either a bullet vibe or finger.
Try perineum massage.
Try Sacral chakra massage.
G spot massage.
Nice lube/massage oil

Either solo or with DP

I would recommend a nice bath/shower and oil/moisturise the body before a session to relax. A mindful meditation to rid yourself of any daily thoughts and wear headphones with soft music playing if going solo.

Are you masturbating directly onto your clitoris? That would be too sensitive for me; rub over the hood instead if that's what you're doing. You could also try masturbating through your clothing (ie keep your knickers on) or something like a thin towel to reduce the sensations to a manageable level.

Each to their own. Sounds like this is very much a physical/sensitivity issue for you, whereas a lot of mine was more psychological.

I think it's important to learn how to orgasm on your own before you extend that to a partner. It can feel very intense the closer you get to orgasm. I like to edge off for few seconds until I know I've built up to the right moment, and then I let go. If you're just holding a vibrator on your clit without moving it around and pulling back, it can feel way too intense, verging on painful. And make sure you're aroused while you're doing this, focusing on your fantasy or whatever material you're using, rather than the mechanics.

I used to have the same problem @candg. I didn't have one for a very long time and was always 'chasing' one. I'm still not exactly overflowing with multiples and if I have one it's been hard fought for!
I do think that almost all of the problem will be in your head. You will be stopping yourself by thinking about it too hard. Try focusing on something else maybe a fantasy? I usually imagine someone watching me, cock in hand (tmi sorry!). This then takes the pressure off you thinking about what might/might not happen and the sensations involved.

As other posters have said, I think you are going to have to find your orgasm on your own first. I never used to have much success with a bullet toy but the clit sucking variety works wonders for me. Maybe try a change of toy?

I think after that has happened you would be able to work on things with your husband. I don't think that the faking it will have helped the situation as he thinks he is pressing all the right buttons. It took about 6 months of trying and talking about it before my partner gave me my first none toy induced orgasm and my first orgasm from oral in my life. He's very skilled in that department and would send me wild but I did need him to do something else too down there apparently. Now it happens regularly because I'm not chasing it as much and I know it will happen eventually.

My next plan is to find my orgasm from another position. We're working on it. Even though I've been through this and know it will probably happen eventually, it's such a big deal for me that even if there is a hint of one I start thinking, ooh it might happen and put myself off so I do know exactly how you feel OP

My partner had a similar issue with sensitivity and getting over the edge. We messed about for a couple of years lots of frustration and a few tears.

I read an article in a magazine about hitachi magic wands. Bought one mains powered she came within 5 minutes of using it first time!! Truly wish we’d not fucked about so long.

sounds crazy when it was too sensitive but I believe it was the rumble that did the trick. Once it happened everything else then followed.

if you’ve not tried one do it. I wouldn’t even bother with another brand just get one ordered and good luck 🤞 x

You need to let yourself loose control. If it’s too sensitive you’re close. Just let him carry on, don’t be afraid of how your body may react.

OP I didn't have one till.late 40s. Was not in a relationship nor bothered to try. In my first relationship I was the same as u. I my nxt relationship I was much more relaxed and curious. I have a womaniser suction vibrator. It's great. We used to use it together and I use it solo. I sometimes find stimulating near tge vlit as opposed to in ot is better for me. Enjoy

I would have a conversation away from the bedroom. If u don't want to say u been faking it why not say u think.u might enjoy trying something else?

Just a thought re mental block, has anyone ever.madeva comment thst made you feel self conscious and consequently u now struggle to.let go? This happened to.me.

My wife loves it when I start giving her a foot massage, kissing up her legs and massaging her inner thighs and then going down on her until she orgasms. If she isn’t relaxed when doing that she might watch some porn aswell.

You need to figure this out yourself before expecting someone else to be able to do it.

Find some alone time when the house is empty for a good period of time, go to bed and draw the curtains. Maybe put some relaxing music on, light some candles, make everywhere soft and relaxing.

Use some lube, maybe a small bullet and explore.

I have never had an orgasm from PIV but can have 10-15 clit orgasms in one session, but only through oral. I find fingers don't work. It can take a while to achieve the first one, but once I get there the rest come along easily.

When I'm getting close I find opening my legs as wide as possible and pulling my skin taut makes it me come faster. Must expose more areas of sensitivity.

Also, when you are getting close try slowing down and try to catch that feeling as it can escape without the right pressure, speed and sensitivity.

Once I'm there speed is everything and I need to be licked and sucked on as fast as possible to make me come.