Confused by my low libido - help!

[rootsandwings89]

When I was younger I was very adventurous and had lots of sexual encounters (had attachment issues) which was great fun, although I got a bit of a reputation. Eventually I was assaulted and raped by a friend and I decided I didn’t want to be seen as a sexy person anymore and changed my ways. I never told anyone or spoke to anyone. I just never saw the friend again.

Fast forward 20 years, I’m happily married with a beautiful family and home. However, my sex life with DH is quite vanilla. We don’t have sex that often and I don’t feel comfortable receiving oral sex since giving birth, so we just haven’t done it for years. He doesn’t complain but I’m sure he gets frustrated at times.

I’m in my late thirties and worry I’m wasting time away before getting too old for good sex!

Has anyone else had similar experience? I’m unsure if my low libido is because of my past or just because I’m a knackered parent?!

How do I get my libido back??

Bump

Just wait until your early 40s - it will be back with a vengeance. It’s a curse as well as a blessing unfortunately.

Do you have much time alone with your DH? Do you manage to go out together?

I am sorry to hear about what you went through. Speaking to a therapist about it will certainly help unload and unpack your emotions in a healthy manner. It might help you feel more confident about aspects of your sex life that you have stopped or hidden away.

In the meanwhile, you could take small steps to increase the romance between with your husband, whether that is through sexy messages, holding hands, massages. Engaging in foreplay for longer is also incredibly relaxing and brings a couple closer. It's also nice to have honest conversations about what you like or what you both would like to try, especially to make things more exciting. That helps reduce any awkwardness and makes sex fun and enjoyable.

Thank you for sharing your story. I went through something similar, and I want you to know there’s still hope—my libido came back in my 50s! Sometimes it just takes time, and it’s okay to take things at your own pace. Be kind to yourself.