Thinking of going much younger for sex

[Sofabodatgym]

I've not had sex for a number of years and still have a reasonable libido, though menopausal, I'm single but have been disappointed with men my own age on OLD, really disappointed.
So instead of waiting for a relationship, which I'd love, I'm thinking of going for sex with a younger guy. I've always had strict age limits on OLD and not encouraged the younger guys in RL. But I can't face another date with a 50 year old guy telling me his trauma/problems, not asking me one question(!) And they don't feel that safe and aren't consent aware and don't really take care of themselves, yet expect women to.
So why not go young?
But I have a fear of STIs or is it STDs? As my immunity isn't great. And I have an overall fear after not having sex for a while, partly will it hurt? He could attack me? I had a bad experience last time I had sex, a while back. Lastly, I maybe worry about feeling creepy, even if I don't go below age 34. I'm 50.
Anyone gone here? Does it make you feel older? I guess getting back in the sack, is just a matter of doing it. Any other thoughts welcome

Go for it!

You can only try - but men can be dicks whether they are 34 or 54. Take each man as he comes so to speak!

I don’t think a younger man is more likely to attack you, but they are potentially more likely to be influenced by porn.

Age doesn't really matter, as long as both are clear about what you want. Not sure why you are worried about STI's though. Surely you will be having protected sex? Also, the attack concern is a bit odd, why would they do that?
Be relaxed and enjoy the sex- it can be liberating.

Don’t do it!

You’re absolutely right to be concerned about STIs - they’re rife, with many not even realising they have them.

And don’t buy into that nonsense about being safe with condoms - they reduce risk, but do nothing to protect against the likes of herpes and other horrible diseases.

I could never meet up with someone from a website for sex, for health reasons alone. I’d feel embarrassed and more than a little sad meeting someone much younger.

It’s far better to meet someone through everyday life - join clubs, get involved with things, get to know people and build relationships.

if you do meet someone and you both want to take things further after a few dates, get tested (both of you) to check sexual health, then go from there.

Good luck in finding someone decent, kind and fun - they’re like gold dust in this horrible world!!

Judging from my experience on IE there are plenty of young men wanting to consider us old trouts!
I get the impression they are seeking instruction, though. I would share the concerns about porn and STIs (not that older men are immune to these!)

There are nice middle aged men out there, though they take a bit longer to find.

Coming from someone your age who's dating a guy a decade younger, bear in mind that their libidos are high and they have been brought up on a diet of internet porn. If you don't want to be slapped, choked, spat on or have anal sex then best tell him up front. Younger men have their own set of cons just as much as those in their 50s (including not asking any questions - "I figured that if you wanted me to know anything about you, you'd just tell me."). For me, after no sex for 3 years, I was sore afterwards, but he goes for ages due to porn desensitising him to PiV sex.

That’s a bit of a generalisation isn’t it? Of course, the risk is perhaps slightly higher with younger partners but STIs affect all ages and last I heard it was increasing in the older population. I wouldn’t say not to have sex with a younger person for the STI risk alone - literally anyone could be affected.

This is the higher risk in my opinion, rather than STIs.

You’re making that inference, but it isn’t what I wrote, is it?

I’m not arguing with you 😂.

You made it seem like she should avoid all younger men because of the risk. If that’s the case, she may as well avoid ALL men entirely.

You’re repeating yourself …. ‘made it seem’ …’ is your inference, again not reflective of what I wrote, and more than a little patronising.

@Freddy75 Right, but that bit about gold dust and this horrible world made me cringe a bit. It is a bit of a generalisation isn't it?

Ok 😂

Anyway, I wasn’t trying to patronise you. Just disagreeing that she should avoid younger men for the STI risk alone.

I actually thought the rest of what you wrote was quite good advice but I’m not sure why you’re so argumentative.

But then, maybe it’s me. You’re a man so of course, automatically right.

Hi Op

i think like most things is it depends. Firstly, I see nothing wrong in exploring. But you set the pace and the level. Play safe and make it clear up front your boundaries and how you expect to be treated.

We, that is me and hubby have an adventurous marriage and have on occasion invited a younger guy into our bed. He was 28.

He treated me with respect, was generous and gentle and it was fun.

The point is set out your wants and needs early and clearly. meet for a pre date in a public place and be safe!!

Are you still going?

You keep banging on about younger men, yet I never even mentioned them in my post!!!!

Glad we agree overall though!!!!!😂👍

Sex with someone new will always have some risk including developing a feeling.
You could just try frequenting pubs where that age group meet. City type pub for after office crowd. Reduced these days but they exist. Suburban pub with football where trades guys go.
Become a regular, make friends with bar staff. But don't give up on older guys, probably more money. You are allowed more than one at any one time.

Go for it, but be comfortable being very upfront about what you want and what you don't want and maintaining those boundaries - I think the risks are pretty much the same if you meet IRL or online, but with online, you can set the scene very quickly and move on if it's not feeling right for you. Basically, I think it's yours to make it what you want.

Re STIs - no one is 100% safe, you can insist on a test for both of you to put mind at rest, and continue to test regularly- normalise it. Also talk about if either of you are sleeping with others, so you can assess risk.

I'm 50 and date younger men. My partner of four years is 32. We're ENM, and I occasionally see another guy who's also 32.

I think the risk of STIs is actually less with younger men. They're much more comfortable about having conversations up front about sexual health screening. I've never felt awkward asking when their last test was, asking them to do a test before I'll sleep with them or talking about condoms. It's pretty standard in their age group, I guess.

I think there's probably a greater porn influence than with middle-aged men. So an increased likelihood of a hand around your throat or hair pulling because they think that's the norm. I'm just very clear up front about what I like and don't like. In my experience, most men will respect your wishes for sensual "vanilla" sex if you spell it out.

I don't think age is necessarily an indicator of emotional intelligence. My DP is surprisingly mature for his age, more so than some 50 year olds I've dated.

And of course, there's the happy fact than younger guys are often more pleasant on the eye and have heaps of energy!

Life’s too short to go without sex for years luvvie
since my divorce 1000’s of years ago every lover I have had has been younger, generally speaking they have more stamina and rarely fail to get it up lol

Go for it just please be careful..the world seems a crazy place these days. We have been together a long time and I’m not sure I would have what it takes to start dating as it would be a mystery to me. Do people still meet in bars..everyone and everything seems to meet in line now. Is there someone in your friendship groups already who fits the bill?

Aww love, I totally get where you're coming from. I’ve been through something similar myself, and I can tell you that taking younger lovers has been an exhilarating experience for me. It’s really given me a much younger outlook on life, and it might just be the boost you’re looking for too.

First off, it’s perfectly normal to feel a bit nervous, especially after some time away from dating and sex. But remember, your pleasure and comfort matter just as much as his. If you're thinking about going younger, I say why not? As long as you feel safe and respected, age is just a number.

As for STIs (or STDs, both terms are used), it’s wise to be cautious, especially since your immunity isn't great. But don't let that scare you off. Just make sure you’re both clear about using protection and maybe have an honest conversation about sexual health before diving in. It’s a simple step that can give you a lot of peace of mind.

I know the thought of getting back into the sack after a while can feel daunting, but trust me, it’s just like riding a bike—once you’re back in the swing of things, it’ll all come naturally. If it makes you feel more comfortable, take things slow and don’t rush into anything. Your comfort and safety are paramount, so listen to your instincts.

And as for feeling “creepy”—please don’t. As long as it’s consensual and you’re both enjoying yourselves, there’s nothing wrong with exploring a connection with someone younger. You might find that it actually makes you feel more vibrant and alive.

Sending you lots of encouragement. You’ve got this, and you deserve to feel happy, fulfilled, and excited about what’s next.

I'd say go for it! I also think younger men are more likely to be more aware of STIs, they use condoms without asking, test regularly and so on, although many have some kinks that they are open about... take it as a pro or con 😁

Aww love, I completely get it. I’m in my 50s, and dating younger has been absolutely exhilarating for me! It’s brought a new energy to my life. Just take it slow, stay safe, and enjoy—you deserve it!

If you are looking for fun and friendship rather than a potential lifelong partner, l would give minimal thought to age. I’ve been with younger than me (l’m 40s) and older too.

As an extra “just in case” though, remember smart women carry condoms.