To PM or not to PM...that's the Q.

[Maccar305]

🤔 is there some kind of etiquette about who we can or can't PM?

Sometimes I'd like to respond to someone privately but got the impression it's frowned upon....🤷‍♂️

(I'm M)

This makes sense to me.

Can I thank all of you for your thoughts; as a man here, it can be difficult to judge, but the consensus is clearly "be polite and go from there."
....I've had a few PMs too, some polite and engaging, and some not so much, so I guess all of us are finding out what acceptable is 🤷‍♂️

Thanks everyone x

Nobody should be sending you unpleasant PMs, so I hope you've reported them to MNHQ?

It's a subjective thing so I'm not bothered.....people have opinions and we should all be grown up about dealing with them.....so no, I'm not reporting stuff....just noting the ones to ignore for future reference 😂😉

The thread was wildly popular but was also extremely unpopular with a very loud minority of members who where dead against it and pressured the admin team for months to remove it which they eventually did.

The thread was mostly full of creeps saying things like 'married, but not getting any at home, so PM me'. That is why mumsnet decided it didn't align with what their site is for.

It was a minority of people using it in comparison to mumsnets member numbers and creepy posts on the sex board increased at the time. Many users of the hook up thread had no posting history or questionable posting history. Many supporters of the hook up thread said they had found out people who contacted them were in fact men pretending to be women. One man was outed for trying to engage with children on another site.

As with anything just use your discretion and be polite and respectful. I’ve had some PMs, which I don’t mind and I’ve sent PMs and been ignored - NBD, I’m female.

Nah - I have other sites for that TYVM 🤣

It seems a bit naff to be on an online forum designed for people to meet each other online and never forge connections or take things beyond surface level

Whilst I have met up with a few MNers after months/years of posting on mutual interest boards, I don’t view mumsnet as a place “designed for people to meet each other online” - it’s a website for sharing experience, advice, problems, stories.

And online connections are by no means “surface level”

There are plenty of better places to look for dates/RL meets than MN!

MN is not a hook up site.

Yeah I wouldn't assume MN is for meeting people. It's a chat forum to debate topics and talk about current issues. I don't think people messaging each other privately needs to be an issue as long as both are happy to, but it doesn't look good to have a hook up thread publically on the site, advertising sex chats and meet ups. Some users will find it offensive and MN will not want to be accountable for anything that goes wrong with people meeting up from here.

Spot on!

When I have PM’d people, it is for things like wanting to give or receive very specific career or school advice that might be outing if posted more generally, or discuss spoilers for one of the dozens of word puzzles out there.

I see MN like Twitter - broadly speaking, interactions should be on the main, public thread unless there is a good reason not to and the other person is happy for a DM. I usually say on the thread if I am going to DM

i get the impression the OP doesn't want PMs to discuss word puzzles.Otherwise he wouldn't have posted for PMs in the sex topic.

You may very well be right 😀

I think my use of the PM function on MN is probably more common than his… but maybe I have been missing out all these years

@Fullyflavoured ...... actually, funny you should mention puzzles, I have a Suduku puzzle I could use some help with... 😂😁

Where else am I supposed to power my caravan?

Probably true. Bus as a respected commercial platform, they do need to demonstrate, they can police posts within their guidelines.

Yes but they have an image to preserve. It cheapens the site and it's not really the place for it. Also, you can't be sure of what anyone looks like. You could be talking to any old minger or someone lying about who they are and you wouldn't know unless you exchange details to move onto another platform.

That’s true!

I think we all know that men sometimes pose as women on this site, especially on this board. Do you think it happens the other way around - women posing as men? It seems an odd question perhaps, but I have a genuine reason for asking.

Sometimes I’ll send a PM if I have information that could be really helpful, but I’m not comfortable sharing it publicly. For example, I once noticed someone discussing a medical issue similar to something I’ve dealt with personally. I had some advice and recommendations for a specialist that really helped me, but I didn’t want to post all the details on the thread, so I reached out privately. I’ve also had some lovely PMs from people on here, so I’m pretty open to it, really. It’s about being respectful and making sure the message is welcome.

This makes perfect sense to me.

If l receive a PM out of the blue, as opposed to being from someone on the same thread, l always search their posting history. If they have no posting history l weigh up whether they’ve had good reasons to get in touch. If they want to expand on something, generally fine.

”Hello, how are you?” An an intro, with nothing else will never get a response.