Why do I want to sleep with someone else

[nevergoingto]

I've been with my partner for 11 years.

Lately our sex life has gone quiet, vanilla and I dread it tbh. My partner doesn't ever really want to do much for me (without me asking for it), he rarely ever gives me head because he thinks it's disgusting, he wants long BJs himself, wants me on top every time during sex and then he cums first and never wishes to finish me off - he just laughs at me when I ask him to.

He has started to call me names here and there during little bickers and arguments referencing my looks sometimes and it's really putting me off of him and I can't see him sexually anymore. He apologises for what he has said when he's calmed down and says he never meant it but it doesn't change that those things have come from his mouth and it's happening often.

My dilemma is that I've started thinking about having sex with other people, just fantasizing. I would never cheat on my OH, but I also feel like I can't leave him over this surely? There must be a way to work through it. Has anyone got any suggestions please? I feel hugely sexually frustrated like I need a release. I'm 27 so don't know if hormones are playing a part in how I feel. I don't want to feel like this at all!

I can pleasure myself and cum several times in one sitting but it's not the same as having sex and it doesn't satisfy me enough. Sorry for the TMI.

Thanks

Haha, thank you.

Just wanted to clarify I don't always give him one when he asks. It's just something I'm prepared to do and happy to do for him but if it's not reciprocated then I won't be made to look a fool by him

We have been together for all those years and had children only with each other but we are not married. Yes he believes anything and everything can be worked through but he doesn't seem to be demonstrating that himself at the moment. I am not religious but don't worry, you haven't caused me any offence at all and reading back I can see why you would have thought that.

a different culture here I suspect. Early marriage, casual selfishness. It's him and his 'baggage' family taking his side?
You have the advice about who to contact already.

Completely understand where you are coming from.
the putting you down and name calling is completely out of order and he shouldn’t be doing that!
I also get that sometimes sex can become abit vanilla, if you have children could you maybe have them looked after one night and plan a date night and that might help the magic re-appear? I’ve been in a similar situation myself and it didn’t change massively but it helped slightly.
if you’re thinking about sex with other people it sounds like a fantasy from what your husband isn’t giving you and I’m sure if that changed then the fantasies will stop.
Hope you manage to work it out and if he does keep snapping when you try talking to him then look at what’s best for you.

Maybe you could try erotic massage, I just saw other posts with similar situations to yours.

Been with my partner over 30 years but I do occasionally meet up with people of the same gender as myself 🤷‍♀️.
Can't help myself i love to flirt love the chase and enjoy the reward 😂.
I like to think it keeps my relationship together as he's rather boring but a lovely guy i just need the excitement.