Cannot orgasm despite being really into it?

[HoodieOnTheDoor]

I have been alone for a long time and before that I was in an abusive relationship where i was raped for years.

I have recently got into a new relationship and I really really fancy him. He turns me on massively and I really enjoy sex, but I cannot orgasm. Since I met him I can barely even manage it on my own, and I don't usually have a problem alone.

I don't understand - how can being with someone who is so hot to me make me unable to bloody orgasm?

Is there anything I can take, or do to help?

I am sure that the previous rape experiences may be a part of it. New fella knows and is incredibly nice and thoughtful. I don't feel at all inhibited with him. I just really don't get it.

<just in case - if any nasty little men are reading this and think I would welcome a PM - i wouldnt and any such will be blocked and reported so it would be a waste of your time>

It sounds like you've had a very traumatic experience. It's good that you have a partner now like the one you describe. Maybe if it is appropriate, you could see a sex therapist together, to talk about it in a safe way. I don't know the answer, but I think it is more likely to happen if you work together as partners and if he is supporting you emotionally as well as physically so that your mind and body can relax with reflex defences dropping.

Oh dear - I haven't time for therapy. I was hoping for a more diy answer 🤦‍♀️

But thank you for your kind response

I suppose a DIY answer might be to embrace lots of foreplay, relaxing atmosphere, music and nice smells from candles. Massage et cetera. Make it romantic and perhaps not about his O at all. Lots of communication and patience about what's working and what isn't. If you are at the centre of it, and feel empowered by it, maybe it's more likely to happen. But no pressure on yourself. The O isn't the goal. It's just something nice that might happen from getting you into the Zen.

Thank you, that is helpful advice