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Original poster

My partner can’t cum during sex

18 replies

Minami08 · 22/07/2024 07:27

My partner and I are trying for a baby, but he’s unable to cum while inside me. I know the first thought from everyone probably is that he doesn’t find me attractive/doesn’t want to have sex with me, hence the reason he doesn’t cum, but his explanation is that he has mentally trained himself not to get a girl pregnant and he now struggles to train his mind to actually finish during sex. The last time he was successful was 16 years ago. Masturbation is absolutely fine. Does anyone have any tips on how to get pregnant in this situation, or any tips that he can try to retrain his mind! Thanks!!

OP posts:
warningsecurityguards · 22/07/2024 08:24

In no way would I think that he wasn’t into you OP - I would assume he has/is watching too much porn.
Get him to stop for a while?

Sparrowball · 22/07/2024 10:58

Maybe try cowgirl style so you're in control?

I don't know why porn is always suggested as the answer here.

TheKookyJoker · 22/07/2024 11:55

As a bloke, this is an incredibly tricky thing to resolve. You need to get pregnant, obviously. Cowgirl is a good suggestion, but It will be totally psychological for your partner. He needs to relax and lose control, not worry, and want It.

bosqueverde · 22/07/2024 12:20

There's very much a psychological factor. Just in case it doesn't get resolved for a while... If he comes outside of you, make up your own version of artificial insemination? Surely you and DP will find a form of this that is also fun, even though it's not the "standard" way to conceive it comes close!

tanjaav · 22/07/2024 14:49

Try reverse psychology? Tell him he absolutely must not cum inside you whilst alternating your rhythm between very slow and very fast.

It might not work, but worth a go.

warningsecurityguards · 22/07/2024 16:40

@Sparrowball really? You really don’t know why porn is always suggested?

The man can masterbate to climax but can’t finish inside a women he presumably loves, for over 16 yrs….but you don’t know why porn could be a factor in this?

Unless, of course, the OP is the one in control of the masterbating, he is only able to cum by his own hand. So it’s porn.

Mattidor · 22/07/2024 18:11

Tell him to stop masturbating.

namechangesexboard · 22/07/2024 20:05

@Minami08 how old is he?

Original poster
Minami08 · 22/07/2024 20:14

@namechangesexboard he’s 43. I’m 37

OP posts:
SeventiesTom · 22/07/2024 23:05

don't be too critical of your fella , he'll be trying his best and beating himself up

you can also lose sensitivity in your penis for all kinds of reasons as you age.

I got through it by talking through shared fantasy and roleplay - did wonders for us both

Original poster
Minami08 · 23/07/2024 12:45

This was never meant to be a post about being critical of him. Just advice. I know there is a lot of pressure on his side which I don’t want for him. We’re trying the alternative ways of insemination, but recently has been a problem because of the pressure. Are there any products that people recommend for this? It’s more about if anyone else had a similar physiological problem and whether there was anything that worked for them.

When you’re young it’s all about not getting pregnant, whereas now, it’s about getting pregnant, so a different mindset, so I completely understand his predicament.

Stress hasn’t helped with things either. Both of our jobs haven’t been easy at the moment.

We’re just taking a break from trying and will try again soon. Bedroom toys aren’t an issue-we have plenty 😂, plus have tried the no masturbation/ no porn route, which didn’t change anything. I’m hoping going on holiday soon will help 🤞🏻

OP posts:
bananas81 · 23/07/2024 12:51

If you both want to have a baby, mastubating and putting it in at the point of climax should work pretty well from a practical point of view.

If the issue is more him not being able to achieve climax during sex rather than wanting a imminent pregnancy, it might take longer to resolve but trying to abstain from ejaculation other than during sex might help to increase sensitivity again until he's able to do this more regularly.

bananas81 · 23/07/2024 13:10

Cross posted so seen that your issue is more about pregnancy than anything else. In that case, I'd definitely recommend masturbating then quickly putting it in to get around this.

Beth216 · 23/07/2024 13:27

He trained himself not to cum inside a woman? Really, why didn't he just use condoms? Smells like bullshit to me. More likely he's wanking with an iron grip and now the soft insides of a woman aren't enough to get him over the edge - the fact he can cum just fine by waking supports this.

I'd say the answer is no wanking for the forseeable, hopefully he'll regain some sensitivity and be gagging for it enough to get him over the edge.

I wouldn't think for one minute though that the issue was anything to do with you.

Moonmelodies · 23/07/2024 13:44

Lots of people don't orgasm from PIV, it's not that unusual.

PinotPony · 23/07/2024 13:55

I'd be very cautious about having a baby with a man who didn't make me feel attractive. Whilst the aim now is just to get pregnant, the insecurity that can arise from this issue can be hugely damaging to a relationship.

Original poster
Minami08 · 23/07/2024 16:11

That’s definitely not the case at all. He makes me feel very confident about myself. I mentioned it in my post because I knew there would be a few nasty comments from unkind people so wanted to stop them before they were written. All I want is nice, supportive messages please

OP posts:
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