Different kinks to partner

[pliplop]

I (42F) have been in a relationship with my partner (48M) for 5 years. We don’t live together and have no plans to in the near future but I stay overnight at DP’s one or two nights a week, sometimes longer if my kids are on holiday with their dad etc. Because of this, I feel almost as if we’re still in the honeymoon period, I always look forward to spending time together and we usually engage in sex every evening and morning that I stay over, sometimes up to a few times a night if I’m lucky! lol

I’ve been very open with DP about what I like in bed - I’ve enjoyed BDSM and dom/sub play with previous partners and like rough sex, fantasise about being “done” in my sleep and being woken up with it, being tied up, slapped, choked, bitten. Would love a threesome with another female - I’ve had a kiss and grope with a woman before but never gone further and feel like I’ll never feel fulfilled unless I’ve tried it? I’ve brought up the idea of a threesome but DP isn’t keen so I’ve dropped the idea as I know it’s not something he wants to do and respect that entirely.
DP has really tried his best to engage in the things I enjoy but he’s never done any of the BDSM stuff before and it just doesn’t suit him if that makes sense? He was quite nervous when we started dating and from what he’s said, I don’t think he’s ever been with anyone who was so open about sex before and certainly not with anyone who was into the same things as me.

I’m always telling him he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t feel comfortable with but he says he really wants to make me happy and make me orgasm. I absolutely love him for this and it makes me want him even more if I’m honest.
On the whole, the sex with him is amazing and I’ve never connected so much with anyone in the bedroom in the same way I have with him. I love giving him blow jobs and do so at least once a week.
We’ve had some incredible times in bed, I absolutely love our romantic sessions as much as I’ve ever loved the kinkier stuff and I even think about him when I masturbate and watch porn which is something I’ve never done with any previous partners.
I’m so happy about every other aspect of our relationship but I’d hate to start feeling like I’m missing some of the edgier stuff I’ve done before.

My question is, are any of you in a loving relationship with someone who doesn’t share your kinks and how do you make it work?

I was in your in your Hs place about 10 years ago, with someone who wanted the kind of things you like , we did some stuff but not enough for her as I did wasn’t happy about it,

so it ended

Thanks for your input. I guess this is one of my concerns but overall, I’m so happy with everything else in the relationship (and the sex is honestly incredible) that I’m prepared to compromise on this. To be honest, when I was exploring some of these things with an ex, he was trying to push the boundaries a bit and starting veering into doing things that made me a bit comfortable and some of which I regret slightly now so at least I know there’s not much chance of that happening here!

The only advice I could offer would be introduce things one at a time, ask for a gentle spank and maybe encourage him to go a harder , or maybe introduce a blind fold or a silk scarf for tying etc

Hmm, i have discussed with a (female) psychologist friend of mine that it's best to be about 7/10 compatible with sharing kinks. Otherwise it can get too much, too intense and become unhealthy.
I sort of see what she is saying, particularly if the kinks can be a bit dark like rough sex etc.
Sounds like you're happy in the relationship which is thr most important.

Thanks for the replies. We actually had a conversation over text last night where he admitted that he actually likes some stuff that he’d never have dreamt of doing before he met me and that I’ve brought him out of his shell sexually. He apparently had never had even one conversation with his ex wife about sex so he was quite shy to talk about it initially. I’m so pleased to see him opening up to me and trusting me enough to talk about it given that he’s not used to it!
He also admitted he worries about physically hurting me so we’ve agreed we need to think of a safe word!
I have to keep reminding him not to just go along with things I want to do just to make me happy and that if he’s uncomfortable with anything he needs to stop and tell me.
Great advice about introducing things one at a time too. I remember rimming him quite early in the relationship which definitely took him by surprise and I could tell he’d never had it done to him before 😆 he was pretty reserved when we first met I think he’d only really been in relationships where it was a bog standard 5 mins of foreplay followed by missionary. I’m enjoying opening him up to new experiences!

You said BDSM doesn't suit him...
Is he able to be dominant? Or does it just feel like he's playing at it?
I guess that's the important thing?
Whether he's comfortable with or willing to try this or that is minor details that can change over time.

He’s starting to get the hang of it and he really does try bless his heart but I can sense that reluctance and he often asks me if it’s ok etc.
Maybe because I’ve explored this with a partner before who was extremely experienced in it I’m kind of comparing it to that but that ex was always trying to push me a bit further than I was happy with so I’m really conscious of making sure I don’t do this with current partner.
I am having the best sex of my life with my current partner though so we’re definitely doing something right!