Don't enjoy sex...

[MamaIvyWren]

I do not enjoy sex. I have a sex drive, I find my husband very attractive.. he's an extremely confident and passionate lover, and has a great sized penis! But I just do not enjoy the feelings at all.... Can anyone relate?
I can orgasm (clit stimulation), but this feels completely separate to vaginal or anal sex. Both of them feel vaguely pleasurable sometimes but mostly it's just quite painful, and I often think, "I would just prefer a back massage" !
I've been with a few different partners and it's almost always been like this. .
Can anyone relate? Or offer advice?

I've known other women experience exactly this, not enjoying sex, not orgasming from penetration, finding sex uncomfortable, not wanting sex other than to please their partner, having the same experiences across many partners.
They thought they were broken but it's usually just psychological. That doesn't mean it's any easier to fix but you need to figure out what's stopping you from enjoying sex as you should, which if you've never enjoyed it before can seem impossible. Once you figure it out, you might find everything just clicks into place and becomes enjoyable, so there is hope.

How is your mood generally? Is there any chance you have depression?
You say you have a sex drive, would you say that you get thoroughly wet and horny?
If not, can you think of anything that gets you wet and horny? Or a past experience where you found yourself more turned on than usual?

The women I've known get past this have usually done so by finding what really turns them on and allows them to properly relax into it. It could be that you need to feel that your lover is truly dominant in order to get properly horny and let go. You might need to feel restrained and/or blindfolded to get you going. It might be that you get turned on from being the dominant one. One girl figured out that she needed some serious discipline spanking to get her going...

Thank you for this response! So useful...and so comforting to know I'm not the only one..

After 20 years of sex I must say it does feel as though it'll never change...

My only glimmer of hope is that I did used to orgasm occasionally with my first boyfriend as a teenager. So I know it can't be completely physiological...
I think the reason I could climax then was the novelty factor that truly turned me on. The adrenaline and excitement of someone new and exciting, which sadly I just can't imagine ever finding again now that I'm married and in a monogamous relationship...

I'm open to trying domination etc... but I can't say I'm very optimistic.

I just feel I can't settle for this in life - I can't help but feel I'm missing out on an amazing, pleasurable, beautiful experience in life...

I agree with PP, it could be subconsciously you cannot relax and be in the moment.
Self introspection with a therapist may help.

The fact that you used to get truly turned on as a teenager and that meant you could climax is a good sign.
You say you can't imagine getting that excitement back but there will be a way.
The great thing about sex is there's so many different ways to enjoy it both physically and mentally. What you're currently doing clearly doesn't excite you enough and you're probably in a cycle of expecting it to be painful and to not enjoy it and that expectation will kill excitement, making the expectation come true.
Talk about it with your husband, find some new ideas that you'd both be excited to try. The excitement and nervousness of trying something new might take you back to what you experienced as a teenager.

I think you hinted at monogamy being a barrier to potential excitement, do you know how your husband feels about the idea of letting you try another man? You never know, he might be open to trying it. If he's never been able to give you sexual happiness, he might at least be curious to know if you can experience it with someone else.

maybe find a male friend you can hook up with or join a swingers club

Stupid question but have you tried using lube, and loads of it? That can have an enormous impact.