I may get totally laughed at for posting on this but this actual topic has been driving my anxiety crazy lately. My wife said something lately that made me feel like she told me she has been faking it and I can’t get past it.
Im a guy married 10 years together 12. Absolutely love my wife and love satisfying her. Swear I love her having orgasms more than my own. It’s how I’ve always been wired. We have always had tension in our sex life mainly because her limits made it very difficult for me to get her off for years. she doesn’t like receiving oral, doesn’t like any form or foreplay or taking or kissing just right to going at it hard intercourse.
For many years it felt like I never got her off because she was so quiet during sex and she said she didn’t cum like that she rarely did. It hurt my self esteem a lot to think I wasn’t satisfying her and frustrated me cause I knew what to do to please a woman and I’ve been good in bed with past partners, she just wouldn’t let me do anything to make it feel better all I was allowed to do was stick it in with no warmup. But at least she told me she would never fake it with me and I believed her because she seemed so not into sex and so quiet that if she was the faking type I’d think she would have acted more like she was enjoying it all those years cause she knew how much it was frustrating me.
But for that last year or so after lots of couples therapy and her own individual therapy and communication about sex she has seemed to loosen up her attitude and start enjoying sex with me. She initiates and she is doing different positions on her own initiative not just laying there, like it feels like she is making effort to find her pleasure with me and it has felt like we have been finding it and stumbled on some tricks that have worked to make her cum regularly despite her self imposed limits of just intercourse.
Her orgasms have seemed very real. In the past when women have faked it with me cause I’m not stupid enough to think no woman has ever faked with me but in the past when they’ve faked it’s been over the top porn star acting that is obviously fake and then their breathing is totally normal two seconds after we are done. My wife’s orgasms have felt totally real where it’s more understated and more physical muscle spasm reactions not porn star acting. And it’s taken her a while to come down and recover after sex. So I have never suspected she’s been faking especially recently and was so happy about how good and intimate our sex life had become,
Then during a fight two weeks ago she said it’s too much effort to get into the mood to be with me sometimes so she just performs. I took that to mean she’s telling me she’s been faking it with me. I’ve been so humiliated since then hard to even look at people cause I feel like she’s been secretly laughing at me when I thought I was satisfying her and I feel like everybody can see it on me and is laughing at me secretly.
She said later she didn’t mean it like that, more like she feels pressure from me to perform and to have an orgasm. I kinda understand that even though I feel like the pressure is on me to do the job and get her off. All I need her to do is have an open mind and to want it. But I kinda get where she is coming from.
But I’m seriously struggling to get past the fear and humiliating and anxiety that maybe she’s been faking it with me all along. Now every time we have sex in the back of my head I’m wondering is this real, is she really enjoying it like she seems or is she giving me a performance and secretly thinking “I wish this big dumb loser would just get it over with and get off of me already.” It’s really messing with my head and self confidence and once a guy gets into his own head during sex, or anytime really, it’s hard to perform your best,
Anybody dealt with this kinda thing before and know how to deal with or can tell me if I’m being crazy and an idiot.
I never suspected she was faking before but how it’s hard to unhear what she said.