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Stuck on a ONS

3 replies

namechangesexytimes · 29/06/2024 10:33

I lost my virginity this year, later than normal (I’m in my thirties). He didn’t know I was a virgin, it was a tinder date that went from speaking to sex very quickly (ie we started talking on the Saturday, by Tuesday I was in his bed). His personality was a bit crap but he was very, very good...

I have had bad (non consensual) experiences before so admittedly setting the bar low but there were multiple orgasms on both parts - he was v v me focused. He played my favourite album (Pink Floyd) and deliberately timed it so when song climaxed so did I.

Although that means I can’t listen to that album anymore without remembering.

Cuddled me afterwards for the rest of the night - fell asleep cuddled up etc (and then did it all over again at 5am).

He wasn’t in it for a relationship and neither was I but I’m a bit stuck on him, if that makes sense. Not so much his personality but how he made me feel. I’ve never felt that way in my life. Never felt safe or attractive or desired.

How do I move on? We aren’t in touch as it was just a one night stand, I’ve since moved away anyway, but I think of it/him quite often… is that normal?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 29/06/2024 10:51

It’s not unusual to keep mentally returning to an experience which was memorable for a really good reason, particularly if until then your benchmark was low and you hadn’t known that anything difference was out there. Take from it that you’ve got a lesson under your belt in what you need and expect from a sexual partner and use that to help you in selecting future good partners who bring you that and who you might want to continue a relationship with. Remember how he treated you and how it felt to feel safe, attractive and desired and make that your absolute minimum benchmark any time you do it again with somebody new.

VeryOldMan · 29/06/2024 14:17

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/06/2024 10:51

It’s not unusual to keep mentally returning to an experience which was memorable for a really good reason, particularly if until then your benchmark was low and you hadn’t known that anything difference was out there. Take from it that you’ve got a lesson under your belt in what you need and expect from a sexual partner and use that to help you in selecting future good partners who bring you that and who you might want to continue a relationship with. Remember how he treated you and how it felt to feel safe, attractive and desired and make that your absolute minimum benchmark any time you do it again with somebody new.

Well said!
The OP has, after several poor experiences, found how enjoyable sex can be and hopefully she will use it to identify future partners.
Good luck to her!

StarlightLady · 29/06/2024 20:28

First of all congratulations on getting started! Forget this male misogynistic “lost virginity” nonsense; it’s controlling. You have lost nothing. You had sex and you climaxed; result!

Moving on will take as long as it takes, every one is different, but there is a lot to move on to. Take your time and enjoy.

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