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Awkward Question

7 replies

WorthyScroller · 28/06/2024 14:04

I have been married to my wife for 23 years and we’ve been having difficulties for a number of years generally, but probably stemming from issues about sex.

Sex is infrequent, maybe a handful of times each year, if that. My wife is indifferent to sex and me physically (although she says she still fancies me) although I am still in reasonably good shape and from my point of view not much different to how I looked when we me 25 yeas ago.

When we first got together, like lots of couples, we were at it like rabbits and she was always wet and used to tell me me that she got wet just thinking about me, holding my hand or just sitting next to me.

Fast forward to today and she doesn’t get wet at all apart for the occasions that we have sex, usually during rather than before. I have asked her if she still ever gets wet thinking about me or when holding my hands still, like she used to. She said she doesn’t and hasn’t for a very long time, but she say she still fancies me, even though she never shows it in any way and hasn’t for as long as I can remember.

She is not in her menopause yet.

Is it normal for women who still fancy their long term partners to never get wet like they used to when they first got together, or is it fairly normal. Do women who still really fancy their long term partners still get wet at the thought of them?

Is my wife’s lack of wetness in this way a truer indication and reflection of how much she finds me sexually attractive now?

OP posts:
DixonD · 28/06/2024 14:53

I’ve been with my husband for 18 years and yes, I still get aroused just thinking about him, any kind of touching and just the thought of sex with him.

The only time I didn’t was when I felt emotionally disconnected from him, earlier this year. It’s back to normal now though.

How old is your wife? I know you said she’s not menopausal but hormonal changes happen long before actual menopause kicks in and this can affect how wet a woman might get.

WorthyScroller · 28/06/2024 15:29

Thank you for your reply.

She is 46, so is around the age that it could be a possibility but she has been like this for the last 10 -15 years.

I suspect it has more to do with her true feelings, or lack of, for me sexually.

OP posts:
GigiAnnna · 28/06/2024 15:52

It depends. If we've had physical contact that could just be cuddling, kissing, caressing and I'm aroused, I will certainly get wet. But if it's just erotic thoughts, I won't get wet every time. I'd have to be really, really horny and probably ovulating. Also, I think when you've been together a long time and become comfortable, it's not quite as wildly exciting as when you were a new couple. But that doesn't mean that you aren't attracted to each other and can't have thrilling sex.

TheBlueQuail · 28/06/2024 17:48

Guarantee this is totally normal. Don't worry, same here apart from sex a little more often. Maybe 1 to 2 times per month, she's your wife who loves you. Take care of her

lillypaddling · 28/06/2024 19:40

Oh this makes me sad. DP and I have been together 5 years and we're at it like rabbits every chance we get. The thought of him turns me on so much so thinking that this could be a possibility in the future is so so sad.

NoSourDough · 28/06/2024 19:50

I’ve been with my husband for 24 years, I always get turned on by just the thought of being with him. Sadly he doesn’t have the same drive as me so isn’t up for it as much but when he is, it’s very good. I’m 43 and can’t see that declining for a long time. She may need to check her hormone levels OP..

WorthyScroller · 30/06/2024 06:33

Thank you all for your messages and thoughts.

@ TheBlueQuail · 28/06/2024 17:48
Guarantee this is totally normal. Don't worry, same here apart from sex a little more often. Maybe 1 to 2 times per month

Thank you for your reassurance that not getting wet thinking about one’s long term partner is normal. Please forgive the intrusion, you’ve mentioned that you only have sex once or twice per month. Is that your choice or would you prefer it more often but you partner doesn’t want to or is it a mutual desire for sex at that frequency?

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