Initial thrust very painful

[TheCheeseTray]

I’m 50 but I’ve always found the initial penetration uncomfortable. I’ve been through the menopause and on HRT.

My new partner is totally lovely but he has a big penis - not massive but he is wider than my ex and longer (but not massively long). New partner is gentle and kind and really really turns me on - I feel very lubed down there before any sex. I meant I am dripping wet and desperate for him.

My ex was smaller than average and we are going back a few years (10 years) and I’ve had a boyfriend (5 years ago) in the middle but it was uncomfortable first thrust but not massively so.

I did have a sexual assault 30 years ago but I have had counselling and don’t think it is this.

With current partner he has had a vasectomy so no need to condoms and being honest, I love him and am struggling to keep my hands off him but …my god the pain of that first thrust and until he get in a rhythm flow. But that initial pain remains in the vagina.

my God that first few thrusts, no matter how lubed is bloody painful. I mean very painful and he’s so lovely he stops immediately and he is absolutely not doing anything wrong.

Afterwards at the entrance it hurts and the GP says I’m really now tending to expecting it to hurt and she has taken some swabs this morning and a urine sample to look for any STI but I don’t think it is this. But loads of swabs going off this morning. But even the GP said with her gentle finger exam that the entry to the vagina is basically clamped shut and it is clearly painful beyond anything to have that entrance penetration.

He was married for 20 plus years and only had one partner before me - his late wife. But he is STi free and had been very open.

I'm on the pump gel etc but even as I type this I can feel where his penis entered and that’s where the pain is - it’s at the front of my vagina it feels less like sandpaper was there and the front was hot by a break. We have latches on the door and as I say I’ve never met a man who I want to love all sex with - I am so turned on bed and my god he is a good level and I normally orgasm multiple times.

At my request when I asked him not to stop / we get onto a flow and my god the orgasms are beyond anything. He has used his fingers on me instead of sex as we talked about that but he has huge ring size - the size of his middle fingers is probably bigger than my exes penis.

any advice?

It may be Vaginismus.

It well may be various. My ex suffered from that and so tensed up on penetration. Equally tough, is he trying to penetrate in one go - you don't say. Or is he maybe popping an inch in.. gathering up some moisture and then using it slowly and gently to penetrate two inches. And then repeating until he is gently and sensitively inside you. It takes two to make you relaxed and wide enough. X

Maybe try an oestrogen cream for some days.

Yes, as @user1471505356 has suggested, a vaginal oestrogen cream would be worth a try. Your GP can prescribe it and it can be used alongside oestrogen in your normal HRT. It tends to be prescribed nightly for 2 weeks (as a loading dose) and then you drop to a twice weekly application. I hope you get it resolved soon.

Try a position that isn’t deep to start with … maybe where you can control the amount of penetration that you are comfortable with ? And as a pp said, you guys should go slow 😅

My DH never puts the full length in immediately, always takes it slowly, like PP have said an inch for a few strokes, then a bit more etc. does he do that? If not, maybe try it?

Do you use any kind of lubricant at all? Im mid 50s and post menopause and on hrt. I was finding sex very uncomfortable, painful at times, even when completely turned on. Although I felt moist down there it was never enough. I bought some oil based lubricant as water based wasnt helping and used it on my husband and I have to say it was a game changer. Not sure Im allowed to give the brand name but I bought it online and it has made such a difference to our sex life. I hope you find a solution.

gradual is definitely the best way, have you tried going on top to start with then you get to control the initial depth of penetration?

Are you on vaginal estrogen tablets? Like Gina? Try if he enters you whilst spooning.

It sounds like you have vaginal atrophy and rubbing along the thinning urethra lining.