sex life

[nshelly]

can’t believe im writing this but I am LITERALLY desperate… i just need an advice but it is kind of long story. (Sorry I couldnt find theme sex thats why its in pregnancy). Well me and J have been together for a while now, exactly since we were 17. We are going to study together abroad and our future is basically planned. BUT. I had many boyfriends but I’ve never had sex or anything intimate with any of them. I was waiting for the right one (my current bf). I was so scared of my first time but i kept waiting. (I had sex for the first time at the age of 18) but that is the problem. I thought something was wrong with me or maybe it is.. well here is the story. We wanted to take things slowly and sex aswell. But when I was finally ready it didn’t work out. It happened maybe on 7th try. Well and until now we Cannon have normal sex. I mean yes we have sex pretty often but only in 2 positions which are always repeated. And I feel bad because I just can’t relax during sex I keep thinking that it is going to Hurt or whatever. I am desperate because I know my bf wants differents positions and even though I am trying so hard to try something new it just hurts so badly. Its just, I feel like I have to ask for a sex. He never starts anything and its just killing me. I wanna do all those things but my head… during sex… its like i can’t fully enjoy it because i know its gonna Hurt and thats always in my head. (Btw sex hurts - when he goes deeper, in almost every position expect missionary and cowgirl) how do i change my mindset? Because when im drunk its different, we had doggy (his fav) and many others but i just can’t help myself.. what do i do? I dont know if i can be for the rest of my life with sex like this its literally killing me that i can’t give my partner what he needs so do I. Maybe its the lack of attention i need from him? That i always have to start? Or lack of roleplay? Idk… I tried to communicate many times but he hates that i always have see only the bad stuff he does and that he doesnt try. So please help me give me some advice.

If you feel that it genuinely does hurt and it’s not in your head then it might be best to speak to your gp/ sexual health clinic to see if there’s a reason for the pain.

Sex the first few times can be uncomfortable. Even later on, different positions or perhaps dryness can also cause some discomfort. Please don’t feel bad about this, also don’t feel like you need to just please him.

I think something to work on is feeling relaxed around him when being intimate. Work on having some fun
and perhaps foreplay instead of it just being sex. I think it’s hurt you the first time and now you’re panicking every time which won’t help. Feeling uptight and nervous will make your body tense up which won’t help you feel in the mood.

yes i did talk to my to and she told me that everything is perfect down there. There is no dryness as well. I like sex, i mean i LOVE sex, but i just can’t enjoy it without this tiny voice in my head that it will Hurt. But how i said when im drunk it doesnt Hurt at all. So i just dont understand what is wrong with me yk. I am always down for sex cus it makes me happy so does him but only in certain positions how i said. So how do i stop this voice in My head and just enjoy sex…

Really don’t mean to sound nosey but what age are you?

You just need to try relax yourself, you’re very in your own head and panicking. Make sure you’re building up to it all slowly, don’t try rush into anything or put pressure on yourself.

21 soon. Yes I am trying to. I thought maybe there would be someone else with this problem, but probably no.

It’s a really common problem. I had this for years, the more I panicked and over thought it then the worse it became. It actually stopped me having sex for quite a while.

What worked for me was having a partner I felt very confident and comfortable explaining this too. He was gentle and very patient. We tried different positions and lube. Mainly once I was very in the mood then I stopped worrying so much about it hurting. It’s a mental block that you need to work through. Maybe exploring things yourself might help you realise that it’s not always going to be painful.

I don't like it too deep either, it's just uncomfortable and definitely not too hard. I don't think that's unusual, it's not a mindset, it's just fact. You shouldn't have to try to convince yourself you like things that you don't, even if you're fine with them when drunk.
Maybe you both need to slow things down again and go back to the beginning and start over. Start just with massage and gentle stuff and take it slowly all over again.

I was like this at your age it hurt so much the first time that I never let him go deep any other time after that and I think that was the problem tbh to get rid of the pain I needed to let him go deeper if that makes sense but my whole body would tense up. Maybe find a position you control and take it slow and at your own pace