My husband likes me having sex with other men

[Mothersmith89]

10 years ago my husband told me he wanted to watch me have sex with other men. I did it to please him at first. He’d had an affair, and I read a message to a girl saying I was boring in bed. I wanted to be more fun.

so I did it. Quite a few times. It was for him but I did also enjoy it a lot, I had loads of fun.

but then I stopped wanting to do it for him, send him videos everytime. We argued about them not being good enough. I didn’t ever do it ‘right’

I feel like I have spent years being used by men. Men that like having sex with married women, my husband who has let me do this and quite honestly put myself in some dangerous situations.

all of a sudden I have lost respect for him, I don’t feel ‘lucky’ for this like I used to. I feel sad and used.

can anyone see why I might feel this way? I enjoyed it for a while, genuinely!

i actually have left him now, this is part of it, i am just wondering peoples views on this. I feel a bit fucked up : (

If my wife had sex with another man I'd be upset and would want to talk to her to find out why she did it.
I doubt our marriage would survive it just the same as it would end if I had sex with another woman.

Well done on leaving a relationship that you were clearly unhappy and uncomfortable with. Don't though beat yourself up on your past - there's nothing for you to feel ashamed of, though you may wish to take your time to work out what you want from a relationship and what type of boundaries you want next time round.

I let him too. Sex didn’t mean much to me so didn’t bother me. Which is really sad really. I wish it bothered me

Boundaries are the reason I am in this mess : ( I had none! I know now what I need to do

thank you for replying

Don't do anything you don't want to do just to please a man ever again. No man is worth that. Nothing you could have done would have been enough for him, nothing would have been good enough, he just wanted to use you for his pleasure.
The best thing to do is not to dwell on it too much as it's in the past (unless you want to talk it over with a counsellor or professional) but to learn from it and make sure you have rock solid boundaries and are in the right head space before you consider starting another relationship.

Thank you. I spoke to my therapist and it was her shocked that made me think it’s not normal. I haven’t known anything else.

I simply want to say that I 100% agree

I think it's normal to look backwards and reassess things you've done, choices you've made and the actions of others. Perhaps you need a new therapist though if the one you have isn't able to cope with your experiences and needs today for support. Perhaps someone with experience of sexual trauma. From what you're describing, that is perhaps what you're experiencing. Maybe try monogamy in your next relationship (with someone who wants that too) and see how it makes you feel. Good luck!