Porn ruined sex and DH upset.

[Iridescentpony]

Name changed.

So DH has been pretty horny today and I knew sex was on the cards, which I was pretty happy about too.

Around 8pm, I told him that I was going to take a bath and get myself fresh and ready. We had a bit of a kiss and cuddle and he said that he was going to pop to the supermarket to grab some wine.

I had a bath/shave and went upstairs to get ready, when I hear a noise. So I check the ring camera in the front room (I was on the third floor). DH is still in there and he’s watching porn on his phone and masturbating through his trousers. I was pretty shocked and turned the camera back off.

I continue to get ready. I don’t like porn per se, but he’s not a big user so it sort of gets ignored. I do my hair and touch up my makeup and put on a sexy dress. DH comes up and we have sex…under other circumstances it would have been great. But it didn’t matter what he did to pleasure me, I just couldn’t orgasm. My mind was distracted.

Afterwards he asked me if I’d had an orgasm and I was honest and said no. This is highly unusual for me btw. He was disappointed and told me to get on the bed and he’d like to carry on. But I explained that I just wasn’t in the right head space. He asked why and I explained what had happened and what I’d seen. I explained that it was almost as if that’s how he was preparing for me, that he needed to look at other naked women to get turned on. That it had just ruined it for me.

He’s now upset and grumpy. He is trying to say that it wasn’t like that, but I don’t know, I guess it must have just put me off tonight. I saw sex through thinking I’d get back into it and I just didn’t. I think it knocked my confidence more than I realised.

So who is being unreasonable in this.

Me - I should have been less sensitive.

Me - I should have told him before sex and given it a miss tonight.

Him - It’s his own fault and he should think before looking at porn before sex

Him - Who does that in the front room when you have a live Ring camera pointed at you!

Or other.

No one is wrong so much as both of you have poor communication… he might have been watching porn to try to ensure he was able to last a while with you and enjoy a longer sex session ? If you’d spoken to him about it rather than avoided that then maybe things could have worked out. It’s a shame he can’t offer some reassurance though- but at least he was up for offering to help satisfy you…

Talk more.

Thanks both.

I suppose so. I don’t really know. He said it was just that he’s been really horny all day, that he didn’t finish, he was just keeping the excitement going.

If he was that excited, I could have skipped the bath and dress-up. I’m clean, I’d showered that morning. I was just making an extra effort for him.

To then SEE him getting off to some ‘porn stars’ made me feel inadequate and unable to let go and enjoy.

He's always extremely generous during sex and likes to ensure I orgasm first. So this is unheard of for him and I think it’s dented his confidence that he was unable to give me that today. So we are both feeling bruised and inadequate lol.

Assuming you are OK with idea of him watching porn (not everyone is comfortable with it) then he may be using it to get himself warmed up for you later and/or watching a scenario he'd like to try or fantasise about with you - doesn't necessarily mean he prefers the porn actresses to you. Hopefully it's just a one off negative experience and you're both back to normal next time - good luck.

@Anotherlurkingmale
I was about to ask you a question but then I figured from your username you are a man which probably explains it. Is 'watching a scenario he'd like to fantasise about with you' supposed to make the OP feel better? Shouldn't he be thinking about her when having sex with her, rather than just using her body while he fantasises about somebody else?

@Anotherlurkingmale WTAF!

I think I would assume he was pleased/excited he knew you were getting ready for him and was doing his own version of the same. I think maybe you need to think about whether you're actually happy with ignoring porn use as it's obviously not something that sits well with you. For me personally, porn is a tool amongst many other things to get off - but you clearly see it as competition for his affections or interest, which is your prerogative, so maybe you need to speak to him about that and decide whether or not porn use is somewhere you'd like to draw a boundary in your relationship.

Get rid of the cameras.

I often watch a bit of porn on my phone and get myself started before having sex with my partner; if anything it heightens my state of arousal and I often have more enjoyable sex for it. It in no way means I’m more turned on by porn than by my partner it just adds to the excitement for me!

@pliplop but that is contradictory. It heightens your state of arousal and you have more enjoyable sex so it obviously does turn you on more than your partner alone. Don't you inevitably fantasise about the porn?