Dh makes me dry

[Choco23]

Together 16 years and two small kids later our sex life is poor. I raised this recently that I am dissatisfied. I am mid 30s and still attractive and love and miss good sex.

Last night my DH tried it on in the middle of the night. I appreciate his efforts to work on what I raised - he was rubbing me down below round and round and round until it became uncomfortable. I went to help him out but was so dry. I said we are going to need lube to continue which he got and then went straight to sex. After a minute id asked if he finished and he said no then rolled off and went to sleep. He had.

I don't want him to feel bad but I am so unsatisfied and he doesn't like talking about it as it emasculates him I think. I really do love him but this bad sex is desperately getting me down.

Is it me? Is my dryness a sign of other things?

Any tips?

@Choco23 to start with, I would not appreciate his efforts to try l, as seems like he tried for 5 mins, finished and then went to sleep, leaving you sexually frustrated.

The dryness relates to lack of foreplay which is usually went getting wet occurs and there seems like there was none of this. Quickies work differently to what happened last night as usually both parties are mentally geared up for a hard and fast session and what happened last night wasn’t that either …

When you spoke to him earlier re your unhappiness, did you tell him exactly east was lacking? And really he should be willing and asking what he can do to make you happy, it should not be down to you.

Has the sex always been this unsatisfying for you ?

@Secondstart1001 thanks for your reply. In the early days there was anticipation and excitement so was better but he's never been one for long 'sessions'. I've never climaxed or orgasmed as I've never got there if you see what I mean. I've been quite sexually compatible or open in other relationships but he's not very demonstrative with feelings and emotions and although he shows me he loves me etc he never really verbalises his feelings towards me. I'm wondering if I'm feeling an emotional disconnect and therefore struggling with the sexual. I must admit I have withdrawn sexually too because of this. In the beginning I was always up for sex but he worked full time and I didn't and would sometimes be tired or said I was too rough when I was enthusiastic and recently he said he doesn't go down on me because he doesn't like the taste. It's all made me not very confident sexually with him.

Have you orgasmed with previous partners?

It's bizarre that he didn't realise you weren't wet and just kept rubbing away, that wasn't going to achieve anything. Does he like any foreplay?

The comment about not liking how you taste is unnecessarily cruel, was oral sex something you did regularly before?

About him not wanting to talk about it - there's no way to improve this if he won't communicate and listen to you. Is there any affection outside of sex - hugging, kissing etc? Do you love each other?

@Choco23 do you think maybe scheduling sex may be answer so you are mentally in the zone? I hate the idea of scheduling but I can see from other posts it works and can help you get prepared and in the mood.
i am sorry he said that to you re oral sex , it’s not nice how he’s put that across and it’s kind of closing a door aw well … i can see why it’s upsetting as it’s not just that is it .. seems he is not making the effort to please you. In a way it’s like you are not sexually compatible..

@Sparrowball yes I have orgasmed with previous partners. Not every single time but definitely on a somewhat regular basis.

The taste comment came because oral sex isn't regular and I said that's a way to turn me on and also make sex more pleasurable for me. He was reluctant to say why he doesn't wish to do it and then when pressed said he didn't like the taste.

We are affectionate in other ways hug in soda kiss before work etc but not so much in the bedroom. I think I have in the past rejected some advances I'm not horny which I guess makes it a vicious circle

@Secondstart1001 maybe scheduling sex might be a good place to start. Even if it is bad. Maybe more practice will make it better over time. With you young kids at home it will be hard but they start school and nursery soon.
I have thought about the compatibility thing but would feel terrible destroying the children's childhood over sex by breaking up over it...

When l first started to read your original post my immediate thought was not enough oral in foreplay, then l read on with a little sadness. The other reason for dryness may well be age related, add to that lack of effort by your husband.

l am a 40 something woman, past the “curious stage”, let me assure you there is nothing unpleasant about the taste of a healthy woman.

I’ve been criticised on here before for saying l won’t have sex with someone who will not go down on me, but it’s my body and my rules; no oral = no entry. But l don’t think this is likely to help you much here, but it does sound that more effort is required from him

There is nothing wrong with lube if it helps, try almond oil. But l think the issue is his mindset rather than your dryness, which can easily be overcome. Are you still dry when you are playing solo?

Does your husband know you have never orgasmed with him?

Has he ever asked you what you like or changed things up? Does he ejaculate prematurely?

@Sparrowball he has never actually asked.. and yes he has always ejaculated quite quickly. I used to be up for round 2 where he could go longer but over the years I have stopped bothering. I want to be sensitive to him and not make him feel bad

@StarlightLady I haved loved oral in past relationships and my ex used to beg me to let him do it all the time as he loved it so much. So it has been disappointing to hear my taste repels him. He said he will do it if wash before and make sure I'm clean and put a flavoured lube on but that just doesn't seem very spontaneous or sexy to me

I'm definitely not dry when playing solo. But I know how to get me going. He doesn't. Our life is good but I am so very sexually frustrated 😔

The 2 of you need a serious conversation and he needs to talk to his GP.

Your marriage will eventually fall apart of your sex life is poor, it can be fantastic outside of that but it still won't work.

@StarlightLady would you mind if i pm”d you, I would do with a bit of your advice …

@Choco23 maybe the scheduling may help as if you are having sex regularly he might not come so quickly … yes with young kids they are up so early so maybe schedule one night per week. But if things don’t improve then more serious conversations need to be had as the sexual frustration will eat away at you and affect your relationship out of the bedroom eventually.