Adding a third - one night only

[TheDublin3]

Hi all, name changed for this.
looking for some advice/pointers, particularly from Irish mumsnetters or anyone living in Dublin. DH and I have decided to add another woman as a once off. We’re not brave enough to do this locally so are looking to do it on an upcoming trip to Dublin. Had a look around online and joined a couple of sites but the “scene” in Dublin seems to be fairly quiet so struggling to arrange anything. Anyone experience of arranging something on Ireland, where to look (tried the main ones FS etc)? Is it a waste of time? Thanks!

Tbh the way you talk about 'adding another woman'... would put me off. It doesn't sound like there's much consideration of what she might want or get out of this encounter.

Single women wishing to join a couple have their pick of offers, most prefer to chat and meet first to make sure there is chemistry and they feel safe. Joining an unknown and inexperienced couple as a one off to fulfil their fantasy is almost unheard of.

Have you considered hiring a sex worker?

Let’s hope not. Ffs.

They are called unicorns for a reason op 😂

No, that’s not for us. We’re looking for a willing participant who’s looking to enjoy it as well as us

Hmm ok. It’s tough. I mean really tough. Couples yes, singles fellas then where’s the barricades but a unicorn.???

heres the thing. Go on a swinging site but accept that probs 90 percent of women are single guys

would suggest a club as your best bet, an audience, safety and singles

If you’re going to do this through a prearranged trip away then honestly I suspect you’d have more success booking a weekend in London where there’s a busy active scene and going to something like Torture Garden, Klub Verboten, or one of the private members clubs like Le Boudoir or Our Place. There are never any guarantees but actually meeting people in person means you can establish whether there’s any mutual attraction.

Otherwise, you need to play a long game. As others have said, you’re one of many, many couples looking for a unicorn and they have their pick. FS is your best bet, but you need to be realistic about timescales, if you were assuming your inbox would be full of genuine eager offers within the fortnight you were being really unrealistic!

What @ComtesseDeSpair said.

You need to get to know people in the community if you want to find a unicorn. Have you signed up to WeAreX? They have a dating platform which works in conjunction with Torture Garden, Fox & Badge, and Polyglamourous.

what the f is a "unicorn"??

A bisexual woman who is ready to join a couple.

@TheDublin3

Have you only discussed 'adding' another woman to your marriage. What about another man?

Is it you or your husband who insists on it being a woman. My wife and I have threesomes with both a man or a woman being the third one there.

Have you discussed intimacy, is it your husband having sex with two women or would you be getting intimate with her too.

Whether we do MMF or FFM it is always full intimate sexual contact between all parties.

Hi thanks for the replies so far.
@bedtimeisthebest it is another woman as I am bi and DH is not. The proposal is that there would be 3way intimacy.
@PinotPony thanks to the tip on wearex hadn’t heard of it.
we work in London so wanted to avoid there but may reconsider.
I know what people are saying about this being a long shot and appreciate we may have to play the long game and get involved in the scene for a while first.
The killer is that we recently (in the last 12 months) had two separate opportunities to do this where the possibility presented itself organically. As we hadn’t discussed it before we turned them both down not realising the other would be open to it. Now we know and are actively looking it will probably not happen for another lifetime!

I’m sure you’ll find someone eventually but more difficult if you want a one-off. It’s best to find someone you have a good connection with anyway, the sex will be much better.

I'd say, as other PPs have, that it's not as simple a thing to do with women. I'm poly and it's a regular topic of conversation between me and my friends, where we've shared stories of discussions or meets with couples. A big thing that puts women off is feeling like they are some kind of sex toy, who is being used to fulfil the couple's fantasies. I've had couples speak to me in clubs, asking if I'd be interested, but they don't show much interest in my wants or boundaries. I think women can be more tentative anyway, but even more so when it comes to a situation like this. Men are very very willing though.
I've had a lot of threesomes, but my primary partner and I are both queer so we don't look for a particular gender, but it's always something that's organic from meeting people at events, rather than planned. Threesomes always need a bit of discussion around what everyone wants to get out of it, and hard lines. Foursomes are easier, you could consider couples? Rather than a full swap, the four could play together and I think it's often easier to manage everyone's happiness when four are involved.
It is more of a long game with women - you may find a unicorn in a club, but it isn't the norm, especially not without having had some discussion, group chats or social meets beforehand. Fab Swingers may be your best place to look - there is Feeld as well, but that covers all sorts of alternative relationships, so it's being specific about what you are looking for.
I'm not sure what the scene is like in Ireland, but you might find there's a swingers club nearer to you, which would be better as you could then build friendships with potential partners. I know it seems scary to go local, but if you meet people you know just remember they're doing the same thing so secrets are safe :-)