New man

[Bashfulvirgin]

I’ve name changed. I have been celibate for the last 12 years, not through choice but just the way things turned out. I have now, to my utter astonishment, met a nice man. We’ve known each other two years, so not exactly rushing things.. He’s early 60s I’m in my 50s. He’s keen to take things further, and so am I. But …. It’s been so bloody long! I am not sure what I’m asking really but I feel like I’ve never done this before. How can I relax a bit and make sure it’s not an awkward disaster?

I’d suggest taking it slowly - you don’t have to jump straight into sex, just as when you were younger presumably you worked up to it with lots of kissing and touching etc. Once you’re comfortable with being physical with him the sex will feel more natural. I was worried about getting naked in front of a new man but wearing a vest top helps as I can pull it down at the top and still have my tummy covered until I feel more confident. Coconut oil works wonders as a lube, makes everything feel nice and is also lovely and moisturising without the stickiness of lube. I’d advise both getting std tests before you ditch condoms - you can get a free at home test from the nhs website. Then you can properly enjoy it. He’ll probably be worried too, so make sure you can talk and be open and honest. And enjoy!

I use coconut oil too!! Is that an actual thing?!

Just been through similar (whilst a little younger than you we’re both still “mature” and been out of the game for years). It was fine, we probably waited longer than some couples and he stayed over one night without us actually having sex so it just felt like the right time. It might not have been the best sex in the world ever but we took is slowly and had a giggle along the way, and I think most importantly, talked to each other about what works / doesn’t work for us.

Thanks, everyone, for replying. Really helpful. It feels like a ridiculous thing to worry about at my age, so I’m grateful for your help.

Remember that he’ll probably be worrying about it as much as you!