Good V bad sex

[BrandySnaps1]

Currently pregnant but since being married sex life with DH has been routine and boring. We never do the freaky things that I enjoy. DH is a very calm good person in comparison to ex who was a demon. BUT me and ex had amazing sex, he did things to me no one had ever done or has done since. He always wanted to please me and was very passionate.

DH never goes down on me. Early in our relationship we would have sex every day, since being married I’m lucky if it’s even once a fortnight!! I find myself keep thinking back to sex with my ex … anyone else do this? I need some passion again

Yes, but my ex was an abusive arsehole.

What was the rest of your relationship like? Have you spoken to your husband about trying new things?

Probably wouldn’t have got pregnant if a big part of my marriage wasn’t satisfactory. What are you going to do? Divorce him?

it was terrible. He was an alcoholic, mentally abusive. When he was bad he was awful, but when he was good it’s some of the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ve said to DH sex isn’t like how it was before marriage and he said he knows, it’s like he doesn’t have the energy or drive to do it anymore
Not sure if he doesn’t find me attractive, I know he watches porn so is obv getting his jollies off somewhere. I’ve also started watching it a lot more as it’s the only stimulation I’m getting lately

Have you asked him to do the things you enjoy.

I couldn't live a life with boring sex, it would be soul destroying. But I ask my DH to perform the filth and he does and loves it too. If you ask and don't get, then that's up to him and what he's comfortable with but it's up to you how you deal with it. Don't settle is my advice.

No but I do want some passionate sex again. Since being pregnant it’s got a lot worse

before pregnancy I wasn’t completely satisfied but all my friends say marriage killed sex for them. Assumed it was normal

Pregnancy can kill it for some men. Then return to normal afterwards.

I’ve said to DH sex isn’t like how it was before marriage and he said he knows, it’s like he doesn’t have the energy or drive to do it anymore

He said he doesn't have the drive or energy?

Did he say he was going to address it? Or was that the end of the convo?

Sounds like the porn watching is part of the problem to me.

Lazy and easy.

Hi, OP. We've moved your thread to the Sex topic now, just FYI - we had some reports about it being in Chat so thought it was a better fit here.

You need to have a frank and honest conversation with him. Ask what you can do to help the situation. Be clear that in order for your marriage to work, this is something that needs to be fixed.

For what it’s worth, I find your friends’ responses problematic; I don’t think marriage is a sex killer. For me personally it just keeps getting better- together for 6 years, married for 2, 3 kids deep.

I think it’s a choice. Fortunately, sex is one of those things that can be improved if you both consistently put the effort in.

Could you reconnect with your husband- flirty texts, touching each other occasionally, massages. These can also be arousing and passionate. Have an open conversation of what you would like- why doesn't he have the energy? Is there an underlying issue? If passionate sex is important to you, then lack of it can be very frustrating, especially in the long run.

I’m sorry about your situation OP.

But l have said this before on MN (and sometimes been shot down in flames for it) but how and why did this evolve? I would not have continued with someone who would not go down on me. Indeed l would not have started. It is all part of that initial conversation about boundaries etc; no oral = no entry!

100% this, there are only 2 of you in bed so your poor sex life is going be at least 50% your issue, if you want something different you have to drive that

I’ve stopped going down on him too even though I used to really enjoy it even more so with exes because it was so passionate.

my dh used to give me oral but since we’ve been married it’s once in a blue moon. I’m starting to think there may be someone else because he just never wants to touch me. In the past there’s been a few times where he couldn’t keep an erection and it was down to stress

I believe it's related with pregnancy. My ex husband was super passionate, I could literally orgasm in seconds. He didn't touch me whole 9 months! But after child was born I had the best sex in my life.
He simply couldn't have any erection or sex drive knowing there is a baby inside me.

. In the past there’s been a few times where he couldn’t keep an erection and it was down to stress

have you asked him about this ^^, is this his 1st child? Maybe he is more worried about becoming a father than you are giving him credit for

Yes it’s our first child. I did ask him when he couldn’t keep an erection if something I was doing wrong. He said no it’s him and started getting really frustrated at himself

once he lost his ercetion during sex and stopped and slowly he started to come around so I gave him oral but he still wouldn’t get hard again. He said sorry and I said it’s ok, it broke my heart a little

but if he he can’t keep an erection and doesn’t want to have sex how is he still attracted to watching porn though. I don’t know what to do

Wow do people divorce over sex?! If the rest of the relationship was right this wouldn't be a divorce level dealbreaker for me personally. Would be something to work on, sure, but not divorce.

'Wow do people divorce over sex?! If the rest of the relationship was right this wouldn't be a divorce level dealbreaker for me personally. Would be something to work on, sure, but not divorce.'

If the sex isn't going to get better with effort, communication and commitment to the cause then absolutely I would divorce. Sex is a massive massive part of a marriage otherwise you may as well just marry a mate and set up home. Who wants shit sex for the rest of their lives!

This!

Your relationship is changing, you are moving from lover to mother
becoming a father is big deal- may be give him more credit

no oral = no entry! - the op has stopped giving her husband oral, he is probably think the same thing,
sounds like neither of them can be bothered really

If he’s having ED problems, open a conversation about viagra. It might be helpful if he knows you won’t have a negative reaction to it.

This, sounds like he needs a confidence boost rather then berating