What’s the one thing?

[Thehairyhand]

if a random man was to stumble upon mums net and find this thread. What is the one piece of advice that you would give to him that would allow him to maximise a woman’s pleasure and make him a better man?

Get the kettle on afterwards.

Explore and listen to her moans. Repeat the things that make her moan.
Ask her what she enjoys is you're not getting feedback.
Being a thoughtful and respectful man is so much better than a good man!

As he’s on MN I’m going to assume he’s a parent, so:
Sex doesn’t start in the bedroom as you’re both getting naked.

it begins with looking out for one another through the day. Is your partner looking stressed, worried, is she getting enough time away from the kids to recharge and feel like a woman, rather than a Mum? It’s gentle touches, and naughty jokes, provocative memes and taking the initiative to research fun new toys or locations for a night away.

It’s open communication to share your desires and a willingness to listen and implement new ideas and techniques.
So, not just one piece of advice but all relevant!

Be willing to communicate. Tell her what you like, listen when she tells you what she likes.

A reminder (or an education?) that the clitoris is the key female sex organ.

That the clitoris is the peak of the mountain and there are lots of tracks to the summit.

A lot of what you see in porn doesn't translate to real life womens' experience. Some men think all they have to do to make a woman start screaming and gushing everywhere is to enter them and start thrusting but it takes a lot more than that. Lots of us need the mental arousal to build up to that state. And if the woman likes lots of affectionate touch, things like massages, cuddling, kissing and tickling our backs are all going to help. I've never met a woman who doesn't enjoy their back stroked lightly. Foreplay doesn't begin in the bedroom and it doesn't all have to be blatantly sexual. The affection and soft touch counts for a lot. It's relaxing, makes us feel loved and desired and can form the start of sexual arousal.

To add to that, if life was as simple as a simple insertion turning us on, putting in a tampon would be heaven. Blatantly isn’t!

The brain is the biggest (best?) sex organ.

These are perfect and thanks for replying in the spirit intended. I didn’t genuinely know what I’d find here today.

It was born out of implementing some wise advice from a Mums netter last night that had a big impact for us.

I am fully aware that we as men are not your responsibility it is for us to do our own work and be better and I hope that not only those of us who are already here but any stumbling across this reads and takes on board . And who doesn’t like a post-coital cuppa.

Thanks

In that case, may I recommend 2 books by Emily Nagoski? Come as you are and Come Together are both fantastic. Good luck on your journey!

I think cuddling , stroking, and just laughing/talking after ejaculation is lovely, rather than simply turning away and falling asleep. You could fall asleep in each other's arms. That makes me, as a woman, feel special.

Get into her mind before you get into her knickers. You could press all the right buttons but it won't matter a jot if she doesn't feel desired and, more importantly, desirable.

Ester Perez quite rightly states that female desire is selfish. A woman cannot feel passion and desire if she is flattened by the responsibilities of childcare, of meeting her partner's needs, if she's anxious about work. If you want to be a great lover, you have to find ways for her to be free of those constraints, to allow her to truly relax and be playful. To give her the space so she can properly focus on how she feels in that moment.

@Fiery30 It was on the relationship board a few months ago that I perhaps read a reply that had a biggest impact on me and I wish I’d have responded but didn’t know what to say as man without sounding crass.

She said that her husband makes her feel like a woman, a mother and a lover!

That then became the goal. I hope along the way I also make her feel special!

I’d say don’t ask or listen to other random women's opinions (possibly men on this board anyway with the amount that have been deleted for pretending to be women) listen only to the person you’re with.

Understand that the act of making love and being intimate doesn’t end as soon as he’s cum.

I totally love this statement. !!

Pull your weight as a domestic partner/ parent so there's no underlying resentment slowly killing her affection for you. Make sure you both get equal downtime... If you get to have hours for a hobby each week make sure she has the same freedom. Make time to do fun things together, even if it's just cooking a nice meal while drinking wine and chatting. Turn off your phones! Don't think of sex as only PIV or as always being over when the man has had an orgasm. Have intimate times that doesn't follow a script of foreplay>PIV>orgasm>fall asleep!