My wife and I have been together for 10 years and have four children. We have a reasonable sex life, but I have never felt that she fully enjoys penetration. I know the chance of her orgasming from penetration alone is very minimal, so I always make sure that at least she gets an orgasm with a toy either during or after. We do a lot of foreplay until she says, "I need you now." When we start having sex, it looks like a chore for her, and the sounds seem forced. It has gotten to the point I try to get over with as fast as possible for her; I had even faked orgasms; thank God we use condoms, so she doesn't know. I find it hard to enjoy penetration if she isn't enjoying it as well and since the reactions from her don't sound real, then it kind of kills the moment. I have asked her about it a couple of times, her response is "Why is it bad for me to do this for you?" But I don't want that if she's not enjoying it. I would rather finish up by hand. We have tried most positions and angles to try and get the clit into play, but have had little success. She can get it working when she is on top, but I then struggle as I get a good rhythm.
Any advice?