Lack of intimacy

[wayout]

There's total lack of intimacy
I do not want to initiate because I can't deal with rejection which will really hurt my feelings because apart from the fact the I hate rejection, I am really fragile emotionally at the moment. I am just staying strong

The relationship is not the best & communication is not great at all

Together now for 20 yrs I am in my early 40's & he is mid 40's we have 2 kids (12 & 8)

I don't know if he's gone off me, or he's angry about something and he is withholding it but I suspect he might be cheating again but I don't know. He cheated before and we mended things.

If I have money and able to drive and good credit, I will move out and find someone else ( that will be hard). I am normally very independent but the issue is I am going through a very tough financial crisis at the moment. I never relied on him for anything at all.

Gone 2 months now without sex and he seems not interested at all. And even b4 s last time there was hardly any intimacy. I am now getting frustrated hence awake at this time while he is sleeping and snoring away peacefully.

I don't know what to do

Is it possible you can talk to each other, say how you both feel, and go from there?

@soloinaduo
Thanks, that would be the ideal thing to do but there is no communicating with this man. He uses it as weapon of retaliation instead of him to say why is upset or even if he is not upset, you communicate whatever is going on but he does not do that.

This is not the 1st time this is happening. The last time is 1st statement was "oh so I can go without longer than you" which I find hurtful.

I did ask him yesterday and he said he is not in the mood and that he is sleeping.

It won't be possible to discuss it with him when he is awake or at anytime as he is always dodging conversations.

Now, I will like to go out and stay out for the whole day but unfortunately I can't because I can't fund it.

It hurts doesn’t it. The rejection. After a few months I stopped asking as well. Also thinking up escape plans. You need to be brave. We’re only here once

@wayout , have you got any close friends who can help you stay strong and find a way forward for you?

@soloinaduo no, I haven't & that's even the most depressing part of the whole matter when one hadn't anyone to lean on at all. What a crazy lonely lonely world especially when one is having all of these while dead broke too 🤦🏾‍♀️ and out of employment.

It is all so embarrassing too, I now feel very awkward and even a bit angry with myself for asking for sex from someone I suspect is cheating (no evidence at all- I guess it takes a life time to trust someone whose cheated before) although, I have mentioned it in an argument that he is cheating.

We haven't been talking much at all and he hardly talks to me anyway and touching or cuddling or any type of affection at all.

Pls all, any suggestions/advice on how to navigate this very lonely, confusing, unemployed, broke life I have found myself? At least until I get a job and start to find my feet and figure out how to find my way out of this situation. I am deeply sad and depressed and don't even know what to do with myself.

Honestly? You start again. You detach from him, you mourn it and then you start working on yourself. You identify who you are, who you want to be and what you want your life to look like. You start divorce proceedings, you retrain, you force yourself into situations that you would normally run away from, and you fall in love with yourself, because you’re all you’ve got. It’ll be shit at first because birth and rebirth is painful but it’s not as painful as sitting in the living room with someone who makes you feel like you don’t exist.