Therapy to get better at it?

[Heartman]

My husband and my marriage are fantastic, but the sex has always been mediocre. Mismatched sex drives, I'm more experienced/willing to experiment. I always thought it was a trade off for being so happy in everything else.

Over the years I've tried instigating things, saying what I like/love, praising etc, but it's never really gone anywhere. Thanks to peri, I'm so frustrated. Is there such sex therapy, to get better at it? Or some for me to be grateful for what I do have?

Why is the sex mediocre? Does he lack confidence, experience, was he brought up in a household where sex was seen as dirty or shameful? Or is he just lazy and not interested in your pleasure or what gets you off? You can work with the former, if he’s engaged and willing to explore - not just couples or sex therapy, but books, games, experimenting.

There’s not a lot you can do with the latter. If his libido is lower and he just isn’t very interested in yours, it’s a broader problem. Has he had bloodwork and hormone levels checked, to see if his low libido is something that can be improved? Is he generally healthy? A shit diet and being overweight and inactive isn’t going to help, if not.

He lacks confidence, he didn't have many sexual partners before me. Hence why I've tried guiding, letting him know when it's going great etc.
He is interested in my pleasure, but it's very samey, and I find it hard to get turned on sometimes.

Oh, and we're both carrying a little extra weight, but this has been the same whether we've been thin or podgy. We get medicals each year through work so bloods etc are fine.

Try pleasure mapping where you take turns to explore each other’s bodies with mouths, feathers, ice, fingernails. Perfect opportunity to explicitly say ‘oh that feels good- but way harder/ softer/ slower’ etc.

Or would you like to take it in turns to lead sex, ask him to try something new next time and give him some suggestions of where to research particularly moves or whatever, and you will do the same.

He will only gain confidence by trying new things.
As for peri sex drive…Lelo products have helped me massively!!