I am a married guy but I have a surprisingly in depth experience and perspective dealing with this question because of my the limits set by my wife.
I have always LOVED going down on women and giving them oral. I think I literally like it more than intercourse. It’s my happy place. I also absolutely love any form or foreplay and anything that turns a woman on and makes her orgasm. For whatever reason what I crave and need the most out of sex is to make my partner orgasm. Not some unselfish thing it’s just how I’m wired and what I want and find satisfying. I’m just weird.
It’s been a great problem to have most of my life till I met and fell in love with my wife of 10 years. Love the hell out of that woman and think she is the sexiest thing alive. But for many reasons that aren’t her fault she has always told me from the start she has never ever liked a guy going down on her. I think it’s on her head but for whatever reason she hates it and never lets me do it shuts me down when I try. And over the years she had become more inhibited and says she had become turned off to all foreplay and just wants to go right to the penetration and intercourse. She claims she doesn’t like receiving massages anymore, doesn’t like me rubbing her clit with fingers or fingering her, doesn’t like toys, has no fantasies. She claims she doesn’t want or need any warmup and just wants to get right to me sticking it in and going at it hard.
I am all for giving a woman what she says she wants and she has the right to like what she likes and I can’t force her to change as much as I miss going down on her SO BAD. But respecting her limits put me in a position for years where all I had to work with is penetration with little or no clitoral stimulation which as everybody here has pointed out makes it hard for a girl to cum. I was so frustrated and humiliated at feeling like I know how to satisfy my wife but I’m not allowed to so I’m forced to fail and be boring and unsatisfying. My self esteem was destroyed and is still struggling at times.
Since she wouldn’t do sex therapy and wouldn’t change and frankly she doesn’t like talking about sex and I can’t force her to change, I took it upon myself to learn her body as well as possible. I basically said if penetration is the only tool I am allowed to use I will learn how to use the tools at my disposal as good as possible to make her cum as much as possible with what I am allowed to do within her limits.
I found it is possible with some modifications but it’s not been easy.
First I discovered that when she got on top of me and rode me she was much more likely to cum from penetration. It might be the angle hitting her g spot or clit. It might be putting her in control of the action forced her to focus on what she was doing and get into it. I don’t know but I worked. But she said her shoulders would hurt holding herself up so she couldn’t get on top anymore so I lost that option.
I discovered a trick that was kind of like tribbing. I call it Dicking at the Y instead of Dining at the Y cause it kind of mimics the clitoral stimulation of licking but basically I would grind my erection upward against her clit to get her off and then once I made her cum a few times I was much more likely to be able to make her cum during penetration alone. It works but it’s hard to hold her legs and aim with my dick and hit the her clit consistently for a long time which is what it took to get her off like that. And often she would get impatient as she got turned on and want me to just stick it in already. But it works if you go slow and go for a while
We found her lying on her side and me on my side penetrating her from behind actually seems to work better than doggystyle. Not an anatomy expert but guessing has something to do with the angle and what spots in her vagina I’m hitting. It’s not consistent but it seems to work about half the time.
I bought her a couples vibrator that can be worn during sex but she refused to use it cause it looks weird. But what she was willing to try was weed lube. This is basically THC oil suspended in coconut oil. She gets it medical grade from dispensary to use on her shoulder but I saw some girls have tried it other places. She actually went for it when I suggested and she puts it on her vagina and clit sometimes. She says she feels a difference and I sure do. She is definitely more responsive and it is way easier to make her cum during intercourse when she uses weed lube and it’s usually possible to get her off multiple times when she uses it so I HIGHLY recommend weed lube. That stuff is awesome.
The latest trick my wife found I am totally puzzled by actually, Just the last few months she has started pulling her legs together like straight and pressed really tight together during missionary. So instead of her legs wide wrapped around my hips her legs are pulled together straight and tight and I have to open my legs wide and wrap around her hips. And instead of me being able to put my hands underneath her and prop her up a little and penetrate her at an upward angle to hit the front of her vagina what she is doing now makes me penetrate her at a downward angle basically from front to back.
None of the dozens of women I’d been with before my wife ever did this, and in 10 years with my wife she’s never done this. Couldn’t even find a name for this position online so it must not be common. But crazy thing is it really seems to be working for her. She keeps doing it on her own initiative and she seems to keep cumming from it and she says she likes it and cums from it. She’s not the faking type and don’t know why she’d keep doing something if she didn’t like it and was just faking it. It’s a weird position taking a little getting used to for me seems counter intuitive but I will do anything that works.
So I’ve found some positions and modifications and tricks that seem to make orgasm for a woman just through penetration possible. I’ve gone from getting her off like 20 percent of the time to definitely much more than 50 percent thank god. Felt like such a failure for years I am
so grateful we found some things that work. Couldn’t go rest of my life never getting to enjoy my partner having an orgasm again.
So it’s possible but much harder and not as fun and the other ways to make a woman cum. If you don’t have to work harder I highly recommend working smarter. If your woman lets you go down on her and massage her and do all those other fun things to turn her in and get her off. For gods sake do them and enjoy them. Consider yourself lucky. Trust me it’s a lot harder and not as fun this way. Enjoy all that fun stuff and even if I will never get to eat pussy again let me live vicariously through everybody else out there.