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I'm just at a loss, do I stop or do I carry on?

5 replies

AitchEffDoubleU · 24/03/2024 20:38

Hi, this might be a bit long winded and I'm not the most clever-ist (I don't even think that's a word) of people...
But I'd like to just talk to someone about how things have been for me and get it off my chest.

So at the back end of 2022, I slept with someone, we started seeing a fair bit of eachother but then communication ceased.

Fastfoward:

December 2022 came around and I met up with someone I went to school with, we ended up sleeping together resulting in DD.

Shortly after that the guy I slept with in the November [I'll call him A] contacted me again and asked if he could see me again so I agreed... DS was at his grandparents for the weekend, so I was free but I had to tell him something convinced he would just get rid of me I said "Look I have to tell you something so you can make your decision about if you want to stick around or not... In December I slept with someone and now I'm pregnant and I'm scared."
He was amazing about it, he checked the dates to make sure DD wasn't his although I wish she was because he'd make an amazing dad and her real dad does not give two hoots about her. He was there throughout my whole pregnancy although we did have one little set to over the fact I felt like I wanted more and his comment was something along the lines of "I can't accept a woman who has 2 kids and none of them are mine!" Within a couple of hours he was round here and apologised sharpish! & in the latter weeks if I needed anything, as small as it would be he would help me, he'd even sit upstairs whilst I was in the shower to make sure I was alright, he'd constantly reassure me and tell me everything would be okay and bond with my bump.
When she was born he didn't come round because I still live with one of my parents and they don't know about him.
Then when DD was 3 weeks old, she took poorly and ended in hospital for a week with mysterious baby illness, he would check on us, he would check we were both alright.

When I got into a little spat with DD's real dad, he would tell me everything would be okay and he's always been so patient with me (I'm 1000% sure I'm undiagnosed Autistic)
And the other night I settled DD down and he came over, it's the first time he's actually seen her in person, but his face, although he tried to hide it, he was smitten and he started talking to me about how we're getting older now and he's ready to meet someone, settle down and start a family.
I'm in 2 minds about having more children (DS is having a tough time with autism at the moment and my daughter is so very young).
It's not the first time he's raised it with me, but I honestly don't know if I'm being played or not.
He talks about being there for his kids like he wished his dad had for him but instead he left when he was a nipper.

It's just the little things he does.
Annnd.

I don't know where to go from here because I'm falling hard now he's all I think about but I'm also trying to protect me and my children.. 😓

OP posts:
Cantstopthinkingaboutit4years · 24/03/2024 20:41

I think he sounds lovely and has already done so much more for you than a lot of men in that situation would.
Why do you think you are being played?

AitchEffDoubleU · 24/03/2024 20:43

Cantstopthinkingaboutit4years · 24/03/2024 20:41

I think he sounds lovely and has already done so much more for you than a lot of men in that situation would.
Why do you think you are being played?

Because we have episodes where he says absolutely nothing to me, then he will come out with something that's just damn right filthy (but funny none the less)

OP posts:
Kittenkitty · 27/03/2024 15:15

I’m sorry but it sounds like he likes you, and cares about you and he enjoys the sex but he doesn’t want to be with you.

GigiAnnna · 27/03/2024 17:22

Cleverest. I think when you have kids and are looking for a partner you are right to be cautious. I don't know enough about the situation to judge but all I know is that when a man is serious about wanting to be with you ( and it's even more important when you have children involved), they will actively show that and follow up their words with actions. I don't think you should accept any less than that.

JawsStillScaresMe · 28/03/2024 16:50

I'm in 2 minds about having more children (DS is having a tough time with autism at the moment and my daughter is so very young).
It's not the first time he's raised it with me, but I honestly don't know if I'm being played or not.

You don’t have to jump into having kids with everyone you meet just because they mention it. You can just date him, if he wants to date, and see how things go. You have kids so you shouldn’t be rushing to move in, have more kids etc.

There’s a chance he’s playing you, that’s why you spend time getting to know him. If you do date him, he shouldn’t be around the kids until you’re sure it’s serious imo, after maybe a year or so. Moving in and having kids should be years down the line. You’re also still living with parents. You sound quite vulnerable to me, it concerns me he may be taking advantage. Be careful.

Make sure your contraception is good if you’re sleeping with him!

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