Hi, this might be a bit long winded and I'm not the most clever-ist (I don't even think that's a word) of people...
But I'd like to just talk to someone about how things have been for me and get it off my chest.
So at the back end of 2022, I slept with someone, we started seeing a fair bit of eachother but then communication ceased.
Fastfoward:
December 2022 came around and I met up with someone I went to school with, we ended up sleeping together resulting in DD.
Shortly after that the guy I slept with in the November [I'll call him A] contacted me again and asked if he could see me again so I agreed... DS was at his grandparents for the weekend, so I was free but I had to tell him something convinced he would just get rid of me I said "Look I have to tell you something so you can make your decision about if you want to stick around or not... In December I slept with someone and now I'm pregnant and I'm scared."
He was amazing about it, he checked the dates to make sure DD wasn't his although I wish she was because he'd make an amazing dad and her real dad does not give two hoots about her. He was there throughout my whole pregnancy although we did have one little set to over the fact I felt like I wanted more and his comment was something along the lines of "I can't accept a woman who has 2 kids and none of them are mine!" Within a couple of hours he was round here and apologised sharpish! & in the latter weeks if I needed anything, as small as it would be he would help me, he'd even sit upstairs whilst I was in the shower to make sure I was alright, he'd constantly reassure me and tell me everything would be okay and bond with my bump.
When she was born he didn't come round because I still live with one of my parents and they don't know about him.
Then when DD was 3 weeks old, she took poorly and ended in hospital for a week with mysterious baby illness, he would check on us, he would check we were both alright.
When I got into a little spat with DD's real dad, he would tell me everything would be okay and he's always been so patient with me (I'm 1000% sure I'm undiagnosed Autistic)
And the other night I settled DD down and he came over, it's the first time he's actually seen her in person, but his face, although he tried to hide it, he was smitten and he started talking to me about how we're getting older now and he's ready to meet someone, settle down and start a family.
I'm in 2 minds about having more children (DS is having a tough time with autism at the moment and my daughter is so very young).
It's not the first time he's raised it with me, but I honestly don't know if I'm being played or not.
He talks about being there for his kids like he wished his dad had for him but instead he left when he was a nipper.
It's just the little things he does.
Annnd.
I don't know where to go from here because I'm falling hard now he's all I think about but I'm also trying to protect me and my children.. 😓