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Sex after 30 years together

10 replies

Lifeisweirdandamazing · 21/03/2024 22:28

I love my husband dearly and somehow we have been together 30+ years (when did that happen!)
We have a great time together and go running, cook together, eat out, kiss, cuddle etc. I just don’t fancy sex anymore and I don’t think he does either really. We have a 14 year old who is always around and I have gone through the menopause (which doesn’t help I guess 😆)
I’m just curious if people still have regular sex with partners they’ve been with for 30+ years??

OP posts:
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OfcourseitsaNC · 22/03/2024 08:08

If you and your husband are happy and neither of you fancy sex, why does it matter what other couples do/don't do?

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Emptyandsad · 22/03/2024 08:38

I think, ideally, you would have a conversation about it to make sure that you are on the same page. I think a risk factor for couples is where one partner has an unmet need or desire that isn't acknowledged. It wouldn't have to be a heavy conversation. If you get on so well then would it be hard to say one day "isn't it interesting that we never have sex any more, and yet it doesn't seem to be an issue? Do you feel the same way or do you miss it?"

And then see how the conversation develops. If he feels the same way then you're golden. It would obviously be counterproductive if either of you felt that you 'should' be having sex, even though you don't want to! But, if it was me, I would be curious about how my partner was experiencing the lack of sex

If you are concerned about 'opening a can of worms' by having the conversation, that would suggest to me that the relationship isn't completely intimate, honest and frank

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Namechangeforthisonly10 · 23/03/2024 06:28

From reading threads on here and also friendship circle, it seems rare that both partners are in agreement about not being bothered about sex. Always seems one and the other being increasingly bitter and rejected and becomes a circle of rejection. I had a female friend that had a phase due to work, tiredness etc and eventually her husband stopped trying. When she started thinking and then being unhappy, she tried with him and he rejected her advances and said he didn't want it after being rejected so very long. Led to a very difficult period in their marriage.

The lesson being, if stopping sex, then be totally sure you are both on the same page and do regular check ins that you remain so.

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ReddishPink · 23/03/2024 22:40

We have been married 27 years and usually have sex every day. Our kids are currently 23, 20 & 17 (and so we still have lots of young adults coming and going, plus friends, boyfriends/girlfriends etc.).
We have always enjoyed sex together and have a pretty equally matched libido. Although I went on HRT for insomnia, hot flashes etc and everything cleared up while increasing my libido more. So I find I have sex on my mind a lot. I feel like I am in my 30s rather than 50s when it comes to sex (although without the babies and toddlers this time round!). We both workout and stay in shape to help retain attraction. We have a very strong bond and sexual chemistry, mostly it comes out in laughing and joking around during the day. We also compliment each other a lot.

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chuggachug · 24/03/2024 14:38

ReddishPink · 23/03/2024 22:40

We have been married 27 years and usually have sex every day. Our kids are currently 23, 20 & 17 (and so we still have lots of young adults coming and going, plus friends, boyfriends/girlfriends etc.).
We have always enjoyed sex together and have a pretty equally matched libido. Although I went on HRT for insomnia, hot flashes etc and everything cleared up while increasing my libido more. So I find I have sex on my mind a lot. I feel like I am in my 30s rather than 50s when it comes to sex (although without the babies and toddlers this time round!). We both workout and stay in shape to help retain attraction. We have a very strong bond and sexual chemistry, mostly it comes out in laughing and joking around during the day. We also compliment each other a lot.

Are we talking 5 min humpy pumpy or 1hour whole body experience with multiple positions and toys?

Every day???

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ReddishPink · 03/04/2024 03:11

Having sex daily is something that developed as we got older and our kids are older. Also not worrying about birth control/pregnancy/cycles is great. Its the best stress reliever and our marriage is stronger than ever. Your response sounds very male @chuggachug. Why is it hard to understand? My husband is good looking, loving and great in bed - what's not to like?

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underthemilky · 03/04/2024 09:48

ReddishPink · 03/04/2024 03:11

Having sex daily is something that developed as we got older and our kids are older. Also not worrying about birth control/pregnancy/cycles is great. Its the best stress reliever and our marriage is stronger than ever. Your response sounds very male @chuggachug. Why is it hard to understand? My husband is good looking, loving and great in bed - what's not to like?

Mid 50s woman here 😂
I guess I'm just interested in what sex usually looks like for people. Hour long sessions or quickies

There is another thread where someone has sex up to 7 times a day.
I can't figure out hour one would find the time or energy for that unless they were all 5-10 min quickies.

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Phoebefail · 03/04/2024 15:12

This, where both partners are content is as others say is unusual. Most are embittered of perplexed. I suppose it is rare as few bother to report good news.
We are in our 70s and 50yrs wed. Because of medical problems we have stopped. Up to then sometimes it was the full works, sometimes a quickie, or even a very enjoyable back rub.
The loss of ability for our main hobby is an even bigger loss because that was where we socialised and made friends and kept ourselves young by keeping up to date.

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Rockard10 · 16/04/2024 11:59

We have been married 35 years and 6 years ago my wife became ill and is now on a cocktail of medication. This has had an effect on her and have not had PIV since then. We spoke about this and did engage in mutual masturbation for a time but that has now stopped, she is ok with me masturbating next to her and would watch and give a helping hand but that has now stopped. We still get on great but I now have solo sessions when she is not around, I m sure she knows this but sex is never mentioned anymore. I do not want to force her into anything and respect her situation however I still horny and would love the odd session even if it were a mutual one

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hothag · 16/04/2024 13:16

been married 37 years, still have sex, just not as much as when teenagers, obviously😁

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