Never experienced the "O"

[Scrambledeggplant]

Title says it all really. I've tried multiple toys, techniques etc. Just ends up too sensitive and ticklish. I was on bc and strong antidepressants for 10 years which has made everything completely numb, it's been 4 years since I've been on them and I'm yet to feel any sensation at all. Is this something I should be seeking medical help for? I can't get off with penetration and I've never been with anyone who's willing to try oral. So I'm a bit stuck really. I'm just worried I'll never get to experience it

Rates of sexual dysfunction when you're talking antidepressants are extremely high. You might want to visit your gp again and they can advise if they can change it, reduce the dose or something else.

I haven't been on them in over 4 years so I would've thought it would've returned by now 😕

When you're trying are you mentally aroused? That can be a barrier.

Going out on a limb here!
Is there any chance you are on the autistic spectrum and experiencing a hypersensitivity to stimulation “too soon.”

I’m convinced I do this. I had help to get around it from a partner with lots of BDSM experience when I was younger, and I’ve been able to develop the self discipline with myself/normal men since. Have you got someone in your life you can say,
”don’t let me say no/stop” to and feel and be safe?

Also a very good point!

Ohh yes!! I actually do have ASD, but it doesn't usually affect me on the sensory side of things. Perhaps it does, and that's why I struggle so much. I'm as good as celibate at the moment, but previously he'd only last 5 minutes at the most. So it was a massive rush to push myself for it. He's unfortunately the selfish type, gets straight to the point with absolutely no foreplay (he gets bored of it). Then as soon as he's done it's straight to sleep. Which results in me feeling deflated and depressed

How do I know if I'm mentally aroused? I never even thought about it like that, I assumed it was just a physical thing!

He sounds like a significant part of your problem!

Look up Jenny Keane via her website or Instagram (hellojennykeane).
She does a lot around self pleasure, orgasms & toys.

The Sex Doctor- Dr Karen Gurney (via Instagram or her website) would be worth looking at too.

The book "Come as you are " by Emily Nagowski might be helpful too.

Is your brain engaged on something you find erotic and leading to a physical arousal response? (Vagina getting moist, vulva craving touch, feeling relaxed and disinhibited, instinct to move your hips) In an ideal world erotic idea would be your partner and their enthusiasm about being intimate with you. In a LTR that can get a bit tired and other fantasies creep in, however much you love them and however attentive they are. If they are a neglectful creep and you feel some twisted obligation to be there:

1. you don’t! You really don’t!
2. Feel free to go straight to Jackie Collins/ethical porn/your own inventions

Even with past partners/FWBs they were alot more generous and with them I just couldn't do it either. I'm really starting to think it's a me problem. I've never actually felt aroused or "turned on" because nothing does it for me. I think perhaps I'm not in the right mindset, I've had clinical depression since around the time I started having sex and exploring that side of things. I don't actually ever feel like I "want" it, even though it's nice and I like the closeness. I always thought I could be asexual, but there's the odd occasion (usually after a few drinks) I'm definitely up for it if that makes sense

If you are curious enough to be posting in the sex topic on Mumsnet and feeling you are missing out I doubt you are asexual somehow.
More like guarded. Us asd girls tend to grow up feeling on the outside of things and can be badly bullied. Letting someone in enough for true intimacy and relaxed sex takes a bit more effort.

Are you turned on, thinking of someone you fancy, a fantasy that excites you? You don't just stick a vibrator on you or touch yourself and instantly have an orgasm. It doesn't usually work like that.

Nothing turns me on, maybe that's a part of the problem. I just don't get excited or turned on the ways others describe. I'm wondering if therapy could help to try and unwrap what's going on. I don't think I have any trauma, although when I was between the ages of 18-21 I felt it my duty was to "please" as many men as possible with my body as a form of validation. Therefore I saw sex as just an act, there wasn't any emotion or connection. Apologies if I'm ranting on a bit, I've never opened up about this before and to be able to let it out is a massive weight off my shoulders

You need a wand vibrator. You have to rub your clit with pressure and sort of tense your pelvic floor muscles

Think about what you’d like sex to be like. Think of a celebrity you find appealing perhaps. Imagine you have their enthusiastic attention for a night, what happens? What do they say? Smell like? Taste of? Is there any form of touch you enjoy or find soothing? Not necessarily overtly sexual, a cuddle, foot rub, playing with your hair?
If you could be in a safe bubble with someone who would never hurt you what would you like to happen?

OP, do you own/have you owned a vibey?

lf the answer is no, buy one and spend time wirh it on your own.

Another thought (genuine, but may sound glib), have you considered sex with another woman?

Why do you always suggest sex with other women on these threads? I'm sure OP knows whether she fancies women or not without you having to suggest it. Some people are straight, you know.

Could you be asexual OP? That would be my first thought if nothing turns you on.

Yes I have several of different kinds but nothing that does anything for me. I am actually bi but never been with another woman before. I always said to my partner if we were to break up I'd give dating women a try since I have such bad luck with men 🤣

I don’t always suggest other women! But l do think women have a better understanding of the female body and its intricacies. And when you look at the OP’s response, it appears l was near the mark.

The suggestion that intimacy with a woman may be more successful in helping @Scrambledeggplant achieve her ambition was going through my mind as well.

I have comparatively little experience with women but I found new friends able to give me more or better than I knew of previously, (not that I was felt I had missed-out previously).

This was my point. But something l would not suggest to everyone. I’m pleased that l once took another woman to her first orgasm in her first 2xfemale experience. It’s a case of greater understanding of identical bodies.

With a woman it is much less likely that one would encounter a lover looking to "get to it and get it done" as OP is describing. Slow and patient is almost a certainty.
Also I was more willing to relax, lie back and give in to the emotions of the moment even with someone I hardly knew.