Porn - need perspective

[opinionsplease2024]

need a little perspective
Caught hubby out on watching a bit of porn and cant decide if im more upset that he watched it or he ''lied''
Will try to be as brief as i can with explanation lol
Earlier in day joked around asking him if he sorts himself out while im asleep
He replied NO
Then turn telly on in bedroom to see that it has been on the internet section and then look up history and find porn
He comes into the room and i joke and say you want real sex or just watch porn
Slight grin on his face and says real obviously
When i question him about the fact i asked him earlier and he said no, his reasoning was that he didnt lie because i asked 'while i was asleep' and this wasnt it was while i was at work!
i just dont know how i feel, am i annoyed at the porn or at the lie/bending of truth?
Thoughts

I guess it will depend on your overall views on porn and specifically the type of porn he watches and whether you are comfortable with it. Also whether it impacts (whether positively or negatively) on what he likes to do sexually with you.

If you're ok with all the above then it would be healthier if it's brought out into the open so he is more upfront and honest about it, and losing the shame and deceit about it. He could also watch with you if that's something you're comfortable with though clearly this isn't for everyone.

the more i think about it the more i think that if he had said at the time of the question well actually i watched porn this morning for a cheeky wank then i would have asked what one and watch it with him,
it was the whole well you didnt specifically ask so i didnt lie!
what else do i not specifically ask that he doesnt tell me
Its not like we dont have sex but probably more just at the weekend, and im sure that i dont do enough bedroom wise for his liking,
im no prude just feel weird and trying to work out why

Is the problem the porn or the masturbating? It doesn’t seem like you have an emotional or an ethical issue with porn itself, if you’re happy to watch it together, so it sounds like what you’re most bothered by is the idea that he prefers wanking to sex? The two are completely different. We have sex daily, I still masturbate most days and presume DH does, too. It’s not a sign of dissatisfaction: sometimes it’s just scratching an itch and sometimes it’s just availability and convenience. If you’re feeling insecure about the sex you do have, talk to him. It’s important to check in and communicate about whether you’re both still happy with your sex life and what you each want - pretty much everyone’s sexuality and preferences and needs change over the years, it’s not an “ask once and done” subject.

If you asked if he’d eaten a bowl of cereal whilst you were asleep and he replied that he didn’t, because he’d eaten one whilst you were at work, that wouldn’t be lying, would it? I don’t think you can accuse him of lying if you asked if he had a wank when you were asleep when he didn’t.

Thanks, i do have a habit of overthinking. I know for him sex is a big deal and he would have it twice a day or more if he could im just not built that way, i agree its not lying as get your point, maybe im a bit hurt that he felt he couldnt say, i thought we were more open than that with each other
He has never shown an interest in porn before when we have spoken about it, worrying what has changed

Yeah I wouldn’t worry too much, he sounds like a bit of a cheeky chappy grinning and joking about it, I think you should be lucky you have such a happy go lucky guy and not some old fart with ED! Enjoy him and focus on the fun times

"He has never shown an interest in porn"
Or -part of my experience being male...- he has not admitted it. You could use this as an opportunity to get him to open up about it

so last night i got him to choose some porn to watch together, both got some fun out of it, could be a new thing for us LOL

Excellent stuff. Glad it worked out for you!

Nothing to worry about. I suspect most do and it’s certainly no reflection of his thoughts of you. For most guys it’s conpartmentalized

Get over it
Technically he didn't lie
Nothing to be upset over