Trying swinging for the first time... seeking to hear about others' experiences

[vee4ka]

We are very happily married with a great sex life and decided to try swinging. We met a few people for drinks and have now arranged our first "play" in a few days. Both incredibly turned on by the idea, and can't keep our hands off eacher. We share similar fantasies and discuss them openly. We had been married for over 20 years, 2 kids, usual challenges, up and downs, but overall we have a fantastic connection and relationship. Both in mid 40s.

Now the day is approaching, I am very excited, but also nervous and anxious. Would love to hear from those who did it and how it worked out for you.:) thanks!

Agree the ground rules up front. Are you soft-swapping or full swap? Will you stay in the same room so you have sight of each other? What if one of you needs to leave the room to use the bathroom or is invited to go off with a partner? How will you communicate if one of you wants a break or isn't feeling ok?

I assume you've had conversations with this group about safe sex and STI tests?

Usually these things happen quite spontaneously. A few drinks and chat. Often one person will start kissing another and then everyone follows suit.

My first experience was at a KK party, which was a bit full on and I drank too much to really enjoy it. Shortly after we went for a weekend away with a large group we'd met on KK, which was much more enjoyable. First night we went skinny dipping in the pool which ended with lots of play. Next day, after a pub lunch, most people went off to various bedrooms. DP and I slept! That night we had a formal "dress up" evening - cocktails dresses and pretty lingerie. Vibe was slightly off because of an older chap bragging about his high protocol parties and how nobody should even look at his young sub without his permission! 🙄 Final day was the best... yoga pants and drinking games. Ended up in a pile of naked bodies, all touching and fucking each other.

If you can have a laugh and feel relaxed with these people, then there's no need to be nervous.

Thanks :) really grateful for your reply. Sounds like you had a lot of fun! I need to look these holidays up :)
We are unsure if to just say soft swap and no full swap at all, or say start with the soft swap and see how it goes :) We are also not sure if a soft swap includes oral? We are meeting just 1 other couple at their house.

We discussed condoms and testing etc.

We are going to stay in the same room and we feel that we can just communicate if one of us is not ok. Do we need to agree on a signal? They other couple said that they are going to go slow and make it about our 1st experience, and we can just say stop at any time.

Be prepared to laugh, especially if you plan any group stuff. Logistics are awkward and even being with someone new leads to bumped noses now and then.

If they're more experianced than you I'd suggest agreeing with your OH what you are deff comfortable with (let's say kissing, oral and same room sex with own partners) and what you think you'll be OK with if all goes well (full swap/group stuff/whatever) and then agree a word or signal for all is good and one for I need to stop.

In all likelyhood you'll be able to just use plain language and the other couple will be kind respectful and eager to make a good impression so you consider them again but there's no reason not to share your see how it goes plan.

Keep some reserve in your tank for the sex when you get home, we always find it explosive 😉

Oh and safety wise let someone know where you're going and agree some kind of check in.

I sent a friend the address our first time and told her we're likely to be out late but will text you when we leave so if you wake up to nothing there's a problem

This might be awkward if you are new but. Those with more experience are quite up front and matter of fact about swapping.

It might feel awkward but just say what's on your mind.

If you've not met them before, have you a code, between you and your partner, to indicate you don't want to proceed?

I've know plenty of people that's had to say "I'm sorry, we are just not feeling it tonight"

Don't feel you have to go along with things because the other couple want to.