Safe words

[Zeroperspective]

I'm in a FWB situation and I trust him fully and feel safe with him. I've been in abusive relationships before and sex has always been about faking it and getting it over as quickly as possible. With my FWB I don't fake it and he has previously brought me to climax on a couple of occasions. I really want to explore what I enjoy and he's eager to help me with this and I'm comfortable with him taking full control but we need a safe word in case it becomes to much for me. What do you even use as a safe word?

How about "Red Light"?

Or "Butterfly"?

It also doesn't have to be a word, it could be an action, like tapping him twice

Unless you are exploring kink/CNC where no or stop or I don't like that might not actually mean stop can you just use the actual words?

Suugest having a 2 word safe phrase

MEATLOAF, as I would do anything for love, but I wont do THAT 😂

Many people use traffic lights as safe words.
Green means "I'm happy, keep going". Amber means "something's not quite right, can you check in with me before we continue?"
Red means "Stop immediately." Usually that means no further sexual contact, just cuddles and care.

He can check in with you throughout. "Are we still green? All ok?" He should watch your body language and expressions.

Consider non-verbal safe cues too if you feel like you might not be able to speak. An agreed hand signal can be an effective way to communicate that you're uncomfortable.

What is wrong with “stop”?

Banana

In response to some valid questions/concerns, I will be using my words and being vocal about what I like and what I don't like, my concern is based on instinctively saying no or stop when I don't actually want him to stop I was just having a momentary freak out therefore I want him to ignore me saying no or stop and listen to an agreed safe word instead (which he will and will also slow down/take things in a different direction if I do say no or stop before checking in if he's OK to continue with what caused me to say it) I'm not trying to drip feed but sex has not been a good experience for me and I really want to explore things with this man in an enjoyable way.

@ShiningforLeeBertie this really made me laugh thank you
@PinotPony this is brilliant advice and I think this is what I'm most comfortable with so thank you I'm now feeling less anxious and much more excited about our next date!

Might not be what everyone would agree with, but, if you are prepared to take very small, baby steps, and do a lot of talking and planning of what you want before hand, you can do without a safe word. There are times/acts where “I would like you to push me on this and not let me wiggle out of it,” is a valid thing to say to a partner.

The common safe word used by many is "red" as it's never likely to be used to mean anything else but "stop now". Or if you are gagged a ugh-ugh-ugh 3 times - practice that first so you are both clear what it sounds like.
I have never personally used "check ins" mid play as I think it spoils the flow/breaks the game. Trust is of course vital or none of these signals are worth anything - sounds like you have it with your partner and are on a positive journey - enjoy.
Goes without saying of course that the safe words should not be played with as any sort of tease. If used they mean STOP, that's it.

@Offwiththecircus I'm a bit concerned about check ins ruining the flow and we've talked about that, he's a bit unsure on my limits (and I'm clueless on my limits!) So I think we probably will check in this first time (the big day is tomorrow 😁) but mostly just go with the flow and find what works for us. We've had a really open and full conversation about what exactly I want to happen when I say red/Amber or non verbal signal and thanks again to @ShiningforLeeBertie as meatloaf is our total stop everything word and whilst if we get to that point it could be distressing if I'm triggered or whatever, we have had such a giggle about your post that if we do get to that point we should hopefully get a lighthearted moment out of it! I fully take on board not misusing the words, I had a fleeting thought about "testing" him by saying it but I dismissed it as soon as I thought of it and hearing you say what you said @Offwiththecircus confirms its not something to play around with and I don't actually feel the need to "test" him as I do trust him it was just my anxiety talking which I'm doing so great at ignoring now.

Thank you all again for taking the time to post advice, it's not an easy subject to talk about in real life and it's great that I have you random strangers to turn to to help me in navigating getting the best out of this experience

Happy that I gave you a mutual giggle. To be honest I think you should, to be fair to yourself, and him, discuss what your hard limits are. For now. You can always revise later. Am male by the way. One potential female play partner once wanted no initial discussion at all. Since we were effectively strangers (only met once for a drink) I swerved her. Sounded dangerous.
Have fun.
Feel free to report back.

"Stop" is a common word which often is said on the spur of the moment, potentially, leading to confusion about the level of consent/engagement.

For example:

My wife is very sensitive just at/after orgasm but I know if I apply pressure immediately afterwards it prolongs the feelings. She will often giggle, squirm and say "stop" but doesn't really mean it.

In the past I have mumbled "don't stop" but in the situation the "don't" was not heard so she stopped resulting in a ruined orgasm.

Tickling often results in laughter and "stop" but it's not really an instruction to stop.