I’ve been lurking for a while but have to open up about an experience that I’ve been struggling with. I’m 32, separated nearly 2 years after a marriage with a man I found out too late wasn’t marriage material.
I chimed in after I read your post and saw similarities, and wanted to open up about my confusion after a traumatic act essentially fixed my very same problem. In my teens and early 20s I experienced vibrant orgasms, first myself with mostly male partners, not most mind you, for the vast majority wearing confident, but there were a few along the way, who knew their way around my equipment, and could really get me turned on.
That faded after marriage. Sex between hubby and I became routine and more and then something I just couldn’t bear to experience anymore and along the way the orgasms went from fantastic to, when I even had them, and very “trapped”, I often thought to myself.
In the first six months after my separation, I had sex with three men. All were substandard, subpar technically efficient, leaving so much should be desired. I managed to orgasm with one, the saddest little orgasm I’ve ever experienced. I masturbated in the first year it was still that same, sad tiny little yawning orgasm, whenever I could even eek out.
I still struggled to write about this — maybe nine months into this separation. I went to a pub and noticed a black haired, very bad boy, looking guy a few years younger than me across the room. He trained his eyes on me and smiled, and had the audacity to walk over my table. buy me a drink. I was flattered we spoke against my better judgment. I took him bwck to my flat. it was early in the evening and we had a few drinks, but I certainly wasn’t ready to do anything serious.
At this point, let me say that I’ve been fairly straight my whole life; marijuana, university, alcohol sure, but I never felt like dabbling into the ecstasy thing or ketamin, and was never offered cocaine. It just wasn’t my thing.
White was post separation and I was feeling a bit wild and when this really really hot guy broke out a vial of amphetamine, For some reason, some parts of my brain head overwhelmed all the parts that several years ago would’ve cried “no!”
I had never even done a “line” before, and I will never forget how that first one burned.
I’m not gonna revel in all the gory details, but the point is almost feels like everything in my life is that point. I went from thinking the guy was cute and being lukewarm the idea of sex, to two lines and 30 minutes, telling him with the utmost sincerity in a way I’ve never spoken to any man before would have normally been horrified that I — I can’t even. Foul.
I think if you added up all the one that stands, I had since my separation, the actual intercourse would fall below one hour. He and I were making out on the couch by 1130, by midnight he was inside me, as we had intercourse with minimal brakes until close to 6 AM when the defining event took place.
This man, this drug, whatever it was, it changed me. He had a game he played. He seemed very sexually. Intuitive and almost seem to sense the moment during sex and orgasm was starting to build. he would push it until it became obvious that one was that and he was just… stop. Point, maybe two had been tears.
I was beginning to not be able to stand it, and told him until I as much.
i’m sorry to go so long this is has just been a lot. He was using condoms; although I’m almost certain he did not ejaculate throughout the evening he even changed them fairly regularly, explaining that hours of vigorous sex would be too much for one prophylactic.
About 5:40 we done the final line of the night — I turned from straight edge to speed, freak in one evening, and that point it already blown through practically every other sexual I never, I had in place for my ONS.
Final note. I’m 5.5”. He was 6’3. The side differential acted as an axiety inducing attractant. I was kissing and playing with him, and laid down, expecting him to put one on more rubber, and was secretly hoping they after taking me to edge all night, he’d take me over. He crawled over me naked and held my body as he kissed me. I didn’t know west was going to happen, and it just felt so good. I started to feel myself get very slippery inside. He broke off his kiss and said something strange. He asked me: “are you ready?”
At that point I glanced downwards and noticed he was holding his penis tightly from the base. It would have been immediately obvious to anyone he had never put a new condom on, even if he never made a lube upward squeeze in dresser, they produced a visible amount of pre-ejaculate on the top of his self.
I think I knew what was going to happen and didn’t know what was going to happen so when in a split second moment, he made a fluid move up to my crotch, I was still utterly surprised. And for a moment, the slow down when I watch this man that I not perhaps eight hours push his bare penis inside of me.
This is difficult, I don’t even know if it’s appropriate. I’m gonna stop now.
n