Is it just me or anyone else out there?

[DEL7]

Please bear with me I am new on here.

I am diabetic type 2 – under control to best of my knowledge via tablets.

I also have urethral stricture (narrowing of water pipe) which affects the way I pass urine or ejaculate / feels something is stopping. Had operation recently and fingers cross stricture won’t come back.

I am newly single male age 40 – 18 years marriage broken down and lot of emotional upset, stress, and trauma with it. Past the worse initial separation / moving out. Now live in my own home been 2 months. On paper marriage is still legal.

The issues I have is I am struggling to keep erection or getting erection. (Not looking for new relationship as I am still in deeply love with wife, but needs are must mainly sex is huge stress buster for me)

GP saying that is due to stricture.

Psychosexual therapist saying that is due to stress and relationship broke down. And I may just need women to trigger arousal.

Hospital consultant saying its not stricture otherwise I may not have had erection from last 15 years that I am struggling with this condition. (urethral stricture)

My self I am thinking is it Diabetes playing up? (because that can also affect erection) little test machine suggest diabetes is okay Or I am naturally heating erectile disfunction due to age? In masturbation I hardly get erection and even after long watching porn I hardly enjoy ejaculation / orgasm / stay erected.

Please let me know your thought / opinion - I just don’t want to go to escort as matter of testing my ability to get erection as that is morally feels so wrong, and I still love wife don’t want any other women in life (at least as of now) not to mention all of this hurts so much in different ways without physical visibility to others.

Thank you

Hello Poster! 👋🏼

Sorry to hear about the s*}t you’ve been going through recently.

After talking this through with my partner (sorry) we both feel that you’re putting to much pressure on yourself you’ve been through a lot recently so it’s no wonder you’re struggling sexually, give yourself a break, I know you said sex/masturbation is a stress buster for you but how about trying something else for a bit, running? Weight lifting? Punching a punch bag? You might find that in doing something different & giving your self a break that everything just comes back naturally, if there’s no change in say 3 months then go back to your doctor.

If you’re not willing to wait & try different stress busters go to an. Alt club which is technically a swingers club but a lot of the have nights for couples/women/single men & you can have a drink chat & relax with no pressure, you don’t have to join in etc but can just watch maybe to see if that ignites anything & hopefully that wouldn’t feel wrong like going with an escort would.

Whatever you choose to do Good Luck 😊

How often do you use porn? If you're using it too often that won't help.

I'd focus on being as healthy and fit as possible... Good diet, good weight, good sleep, work out.... And try tadalafil, even if you use them to build confidence whilst masturbating

@Thesarkywitch Lot of emotional upset and as I type I have book ticket to go home for 4 weeks = Break (hopefully it will do me good) I am already upset not seeing kids for this time but I also need to think about my own wellbeing.

Always have been into fitness and since all this started I been off from it last 3 months. Just started back in February with 10K steps a day - so on correct path with fitness.

Coming from different country morally Alt club / swingers club just feels not for me. Really appreciate your time and input. Thank you

@harerunner Yes I read about porn addiction and negative affect of it so I am trying to reduce it. I am not daily or regular I would say.

Good diet = I say yes
Good weight = I say yes
Good sleep = No at all naturally lot going on and sleep is the part worse affected but I am getting there. Feel like haven't slept for last 3 years as Mrs body isn't there to put me into relax mode.
Work out = Stopped from past 3 months but as mentioned above I am starting back into it by gentle walks and eventually back to running.

Really appreciate your time and input. Thank you

Are you on anti depressants or anxiolytics? Some like pregabalin can have negative effects on ability to have an erection. I obviously wouldn’t t advise just stopping if you are, maybe something to discuss with your GP.

No not on any anti depressants or anxiolytics.
Going to give myself break I think from emotional upset and stress if not improvement will contact GP again.
Thanks

Probably too much going on at one time to really identify the source of the problem.

Emotional stress of separation and still having strong feelings for your wive could cause ED.
Stricture could contribute.
Diabetes is, I think, a known cause or contributor to ED.
Then you have the stress caused by worrying about not getting erect which, in itself, can further worsen issues.

I would guess the best solution is to try and eliminate each issue and see if things improve. Not easy from what you have described.

Good luck - I am NOT medically trained so all this is based upon experience and years.